


Halfway, Between The Black and Grey.

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (not Ben or Rey), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Arguments, Author Rewrites, Bendemption, Choking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Exhibitionism, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Visions, Frottage, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Interogation Scene, Kira Ren - Freeform, Kissing, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Parent Death, Parenticide, Rey (Star Wars) is Nobody, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violence, based on a tweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Tell me about the-""I love you," she blurts out and Ben...his eyes widen with confusion, the burning intensity softening to be replaced with shock. He swallows hard, glancing from her eyes to her lips, then back again. There's a soft pink bleeding across the tops of his cheekbones and over his shoulder she can see Anakin dropping his face into his hands.Ben opens his mouth, but seems to struggle to find the words for a moment. When he does his voice is slightly higher pitched, breathless in a way that makes Rey's knees a little weak, "Is...is this a new Resistance counter technique to interrogation?"Based on theTime Travel Tweetthat made the rounds on Twitter a few months ago.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 414
Kudos: 1015
Collections: Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms, PunkysStuff





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this hilarious tweet from @iam_thesenate. This was originally supposed to be a oneshot but ended up growing a lot more. I'm currently at around 7000 words and still not finished.
> 
> Edit: I don't actually separate Ben and Kylo as two different people. The comic's have proven that the two are one and the same. Rey's opinion is her own and will be corrected in a future chapter.

The clothes slump to the ground and Rey just stares at them for a moment, trying to process what's happening...because Ben isn't dead. He can't be dead. She pulls on their Force bond, urging it to flare to life again and it doesn't. She pictures him as hard as she can and it still doesn't move. The Force is silent around her. 

"Be with me,"

The sound is raw and rough in the echoing cave, her throat aching with each syllable. Gathering the clothes close to her, covering her eyes in the soft black shirt. Her fingers tangle in the hole her lightsaber left as her sob echoes out.

"Be with me,"

The Force swirls around her with a melancholy note in its song. She cries out, even as the Jedi ignore her, for anyone to help them, to help her. She calls out for him one final time before she can no longer form words through the gasps that escape her.

"Please...please...Be with me,"

* * *

Poe and Finn are beyond excitement when they see her, charging through the celebrating Resistance to hold her close. Poe plants a smacking kiss on her cheek as he and Finn sandwich her between them. The cheers sound distant in her ears, a calling of her name as people try to touch her. She flinches away from every touch and gasping, raging breaths wrack through her. Whilst others see it as an escape of pent up emotions or just her being overwhelmed Poe and Finn know better, sharing an odd look with Rose as the two of them quickly bundle her into one of the small tents protecting the tech they've managed to gather. The world swirls in greens and browns, a far cry from the cold blue of Exegol and it makes her feel ill. She can't speak through her heavy sobs by the time they're hiding in the tent. Finn holds her tightly as Poe gives her space and she surprises herself when she reaches out for him. Finn stares at her in open shock as does Poe. She quickly drops the hand, trying to stifle her tears and calm herself. She wraps her arms around herself as Finn holds her tighter. He smells like sweat and smoke, and she inhales the scent of the horses he was riding. It’s grounding, familiar and comforting which makes her finally take in a full breath. The world spins again on its axis and the ground crumbles underneath her with her exhaustion.

“Rey!” Poe dives forward to catch her and she’s left staring up into his warm tanned face, brows creased with worry as he helps her on her descent. Finn looks down at her with the same expression in his eyes and she’s thrown back to Exegol, being cradled by Ben. The urge to vomit is suddenly so intense that she pushes them both away and rolls to her knees. Finn quickly hands her his scarf and she empties the meager content of her stomach into it. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and sits back on her heels. Poe is standing against the wall, eyes dark and his brow still creased watching her. Finn instead sits on the bed behind her. She leans against his legs and breathes, trying to find some sort of belonging when all she wants to do is…

She deliberately doesn’t finish that thought.

Instead, she raises her eyes to the new General who’s swallowing hard like he knows what she’s about to say. Rey knows that Ben and Poe were friends as children. Leia had told her one night when she couldn’t sleep, fighting against her own nightmares. She knows what she has to do, but she doesn’t know if she has the strength to do it. 

“Kylo Ren is dead,” Rey manages, and she hears them both inhale. Her eyes snap to her knees as she continues because she can’t bear to see their betrayed expressions, “Kylo Ren and I were a Dyad. The...The Force connected us before Crait...and we spent time together,”

It's so hard to tell them, and her voice breaks as she admits everything Ben has done for her. 

"You loved him," Finn's voice is but a whisper but it manages to be the loudest words in the room. Even louder than Poe's shocked inhale

"But you killed him," Poe says, and she flinches away from his voice, too sharp in the hut against her fragile control. 

Tears slip from her tired eyes without permission and she takes a ragged breath, "No, Poe. I killed Kylo Ren. Ben died for me,"

"He wasn't Ben," Poe grits out, but his voice cracks on his name. He turns away for a second and furiously wipes at his eyes, "He wasn't Ben, Rey. You're mistaken,"

She knows he's lying and it bursts out of her angrily, wretched horrid bursts that shake the hut they're hidden in, "Yes he was! He was and I loved him! He died in my arms! He gave his life for me, how can you-"

"Because he was my friend!" Poe cries, and tears are streaming down his face as he screams at her, "Because I loved him like a brother and I wasn't allowed to tell him that I forgive him!" He falls to his knees with a heavy thud, hands over his face as sobs wrack through his body, "I didn't get to tell him…"

Rey crawls towards him, blinded by her own tears and she throws her arms around him. Finn shuffles awkwardly behind them, but they just sit and hold each other, sobbing as the party goes on around them. 

It only takes a few moments for Finn to drop to his knees and throw his arms around them, pressing a kiss into Rey's hair and a soft whisper into Poe's.

And he promises them that everything will be okay, because the world will keep going. Even though it feels like at the moment, it's only going to end. 

* * *

Every night for the past three weeks she's sat outside of the old Skywalker home holding onto his clothes and whispering for him. Every night she cries until she can't cry anymore, then she picks herself up and heads inside to sleep until midday. Rey gets up when the heat is at its highest point, dresses herself in scavenger gear and explores. She finds swamp rats that meet an unfortunate end, tries a sour fruit that makes her toes curl and meets more people that make Tatooine their home. She sends BB8 back to the resistance after he's almost stolen twice. Rey keeps the Falcon however, a memory of time forgotten. 

She knows they whisper about her, asking who she is and why she's here. Sometimes she ignores them, other times she answers. She mostly answers when she stays at the cantina- she gets drunk off of Corellian whiskey and tells stories about the Resistance as customers look on in rapture or pity. She does tricks occasionally for the little ones who crowd around her at the markets, watching her levitate the wears around them with cheerful laughter. It's the first time she manages to smile without faking it since she left the Resistance. 

At night all she does is sit beneath the stars, feeling the cool chill on her skin for as long as she can stand it. Rey is always alone at night. There are creatures that roam but she's not afraid. She's just sad. She curls herself into a little ball, wrapping her hands around her knees. Ben's jumper overflows her hands, drowning her in soft comfort that makes her feel like her pleas aren't worthless. Like they could mean something to someone, somewhere. 

Rey squeezes her eyes shut unbidden as the wind shifts, kicking up grains that grit their way across her skin. It makes her eyes sting and she turns away. The Force hums around her unhappily, the same way it did after...after Exegol. 

"Why do you cry, Little One?"

She doesn't jump at the sound of the voice, but instead slowly turns her head. She stares at him, even though she knows she's being rude, because she's never seen him before. He's young, and very handsome. Soft curls at his forehead and a scar that cuts through his eyeline in a way so similar to Ben's that it confuses her a little. 

"You cry so often, every night in fact but you still get up and move and stay here. There is nothing here," his eyes flick down to the clothes she still clings to, the ones she holds every night and sobs as the scent from Ben slowly fades. The man grimaces before he speaks again, still in that same soft voice, "No one is coming for you,"

"Do you mean he's not coming," Rey manages to bite out, and his answering silence is enough to send a fresh wave of tears rolling down her face. She's cried so much recently, she thought she would be dry by now. But everyday seems to be a fresh pool of grief. 

Even Tatooine with its two suns has been unable to end this terminal darkness. 

Rey studies him, and his eyes study her. They're a soft warm blue, kind like Leia's brown eyes. Like _Ben's_ eyes. 

She unravels herself from her twisted knot as Anakin Skywalker looks at her with something like pity on his face. He reaches out a hand for her and she reacts in anger, watching as surprise blossoms over his face. 

"I'm not a Jedi," she spits angrily, rising to her feet, "Don't count me as one of you,"

And with that Rey turns stomps back into the Skywalker residence, slamming the rotten wood door so hard it shudders and cracks. 

* * *

For two weeks she ignores Anakin. She meditates and says nothing. She's convinced at this point if she ignores him enough he'll leave her alone. He doesn't speak to her though, seemingly content to just wait with her. It's on the third week she thinks he's growing bored of her, judging by his heavy sighs. Finally he slumps down next to her, his long legs shifting in the sand. She cracks an eye open and finds him watching her. He cocks his eyebrow, "I've always hated sand. Why you've chosen to bury my lightsaber on this forsaken planet I'll never know,"

Rey frowns at him, "I buried Luke and Leia's,"

Anakin snorts, "Luke's lightsaber was green," he grins to himself, looking at the Skywalker home, "You're not very observant are you?"

"Fuck you,"

"Master Yoda would have loved you," he rolls his eyes at her. He crumbles some grains between his fingers, "You know he once made Obi-Wan and I stand on our heads for an hour? He said it was an exercise in concentration. In reality he was just tired of our bickering,"

Anakin doesn't elaborate on who Obi-Wan or Yoda are but she guesses they're two of the voices who told her to rise. Rey feels a churning of hatred in her gut. It's an ugly emotion, burning through her bones. She Forces it down with a deep breath, "You abandoned me to die. All of you,"

Anakin winces and nods, "Yes,"

Rey presses on the open wound and feels it bleed, her voice grating and furious in a growl that makes her throat ache, "You let him die. You let me die. You don't care about me or him," she barely turns her head to look at him again and he is uncomfortable, his face guilty and sad, "You only care about your Jedi and your Force,"

She turns her face to the stars, gulping hard against the lump in her throat, "I'm not a Jedi...I love him,"

"I agree," Anakin nods sagely, "You're not a Jedi, Little One. But you're not a Sith either," he draws a line in the sand and continues, "In all things we are taught balance- as both Sith and Jedi. Whilst Jedi embrace their compassion and disregard passion, Sith are told balance can be found in the opposite,"

Anakin's finger trails through the ground as he speaks, drawing pictures of a small creature with large ears on one side and a man's face with spikes on his crown on the other. He glances up at her, "But you fight with controlled passion. You show compassion to everyone. My Grandson returned to the light _because_ of you,"

Rey stares back at him. She knows he's trying to make a point but she doesn't want to find it. She wants instead to lie down on the ground and pretend Ben is listening to her, is with her or is still alive in some part of the galaxy. The weariness sets in her bones, and the thought of returning to the Resistance is abhorrent. The idea makes her sick, nausea replacing the vile hatred in her gut. 

Anakin waits only a few moments before bursting out his question, "Why are you still on Tatooine?!"

_Because nothing else makes sense._

"You'd be be better to die if your sadness is making you this useless,"

"Ben gave his life for me," Rey squeezes her eyes shut so she doesn't have to see Ben's eyes in Anakin's face, sad and reproachful, "It would be a waste of his sacrifice to just die,"

"It's a waste to simply ruin your life on a planet of nothing," Anakin snaps in reply. It's a clear example of Ben's quick fire temper and she flinches away from the words. They make her heart ache and she is so tired of crying.

So she relies on the only other thing she can feel instead of sadness, that hatred and that anger. She rises, her nails biting into her skin hard enough to leave cresent marks in her skin. 

"I won't sit here and be lectured by someone who tortured half the galaxy," it bursts out of her, blistering and mean. It's meant to hurt, meant to cut at Anakin over Vader and it works. Poison flashes through his eyes and he rises to tower over her, his face morphing to that of melted skin, pockets of flesh left aching and burning.

"Don't think I have forgotten who I was," he snarls, his voice deeper, more robotic and clipped, "Don't forget who you are, _Daughter_ of _Palpatine_ ," 

The word is almost a purr as his eyes gleam yellow. Rey feels dread pull in her stomach, trying to strangle her voice. But she stands on her feet, staring defiantly at Anakin as a mask creeps to cover half of his face. She tries her best not to show her fear even as she fights the urge to vomit or to cower. She is no coward, and she never will be. 

So she draws back, and spits at him with as much as she can manage. It's a disgusting move but it works. Anakin reels back, flinching as his disguise slips back into his youthful face. He grimaces at her, "That is _definitely_ not the Jedi Way,"

She rolls her eyes back and wills her heart to slow down in her chest as it beats a frantic tattoo against her ribs, "Like I said before, I am no Jedi,"

Anakin looks away and swallows hard. He clenches his hands tightly, before hiding them in his robes as he murmurs, "No... no you are not, Little One,"

* * *

Rey waits until the next night to ask him about his face. Anakin is amused by the question and answers, "It's a Force thing,"

Which does nothing but frustrate Rey. She huffs at him and throws herself backwards into the sand. She stares up at the night sky as Anakin goes back to his chanting in his meditative pose. Rey occasionally joins him, letting the Force wash through her with every breath. Ben's jumper is as always furled in her lap. She always fists her fingers in it, letting it ground her as she whispers, "Be with me,"

"There is no emotion, there is peace,"

_Be with me_

"There is no ignorance, there is knowledge."

_Be with me_

"There is no passion, there is serenity."

_Be with me_

"There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force,"

The Jedi Code. It rattles in Rey's ears and she feels the exact opposite of how the code should make her feel. She can never find peace in these moments, head full of lost moments, of Ben's eyes, of the feel of his hand against hers in the hut on Ach-Too. She feels too strongly to her attachment, of Luke’s grumpy face, Chewie’s playful growls, Leia’s smile and Han’s look of concern when she refuses to…

It doesn’t matter anyway. She is the last Jedi now.

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion,"

_Be with me_

"Through passion, I gain strength,"

_Be with me_

"Through strength, I gain power,"

_Be with me_

"Through power, I gain victory,"

_Be with me_

"Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me,"

The Sith Code. For Rey it rings truer than the Jedi Code does. With the Jedi Code they were forbidden from attachment and all it had done was end in death. Anakin kept secrets from the Council, Luke had almost killed his nephew and still Palpatine was the one victorious. Even now, dead and rotting finally he had still won against them eventually. And Rey was now alone. Possibly forever.

She knows she will fall to the Dark Side if she continues in her Jedi path. Half of her soul is missing, and the agonising pain of it will linger for the rest of her life. It was something she had told Finn when he confessed that he could sense her death and then… His eyes were wide with fright as she confessed that she couldn't feel the call of the light any stronger than the dark any more. She couldn't teach him. They'd parted with a sorrowful hug, Rey hiding her tears until she was far away from the only family she had ever known. She couldn't let the darkness in her kill them. The Jedi will die with her. That is her vow.

“Flowing through all, there is balance

There is no peace without a passion to create,”

Rey opens her eyes to stare at Anakin. He’s still meditating, eyes closed and legs crossed. He continues,

“There is no passion without peace to guide

Knowledge fades without the strength to act,"

She has never heard this code before but as Anakin speaks the Force curls around the two of them and sings, not in the forlorn way it has since Exegol but with a mild hum. It sings with the beginnings of something that feels oddly like happiness.

“Power blinds without the serenity to see

There is freedom in life,”

It begins to dance around her, urging her to do something. She doesn’t know exactly what that is but she wants to try, wants to follow a path she can’t see the end of.

“There is purpose in death

The Force is all things and I am the Force,”

“What is that code?” she demands, voice loud and echoing in the quiet of the night. Her voice cracks against her will and she fights the urge to clap her hands over her mouth, to stifle her curiosity. Rey has been without answers for so long she refuses to go any longer. 

Anakin peeks an eye open to look at her, smirking, "I don't know what you're referencing, Little One,"

"The last Code," she insists stubbornly. She's been around Anakin for long enough now that she can tell when he's trying to teach her something. He has tried in previous visits and was met with an unmoved wall of silence. Rey could not be moved for anything with the Jedi Code, but his unsolicited advice on her lightsaber forms had been...admittedly helpful. Anakin throws his head back and laughs before petting the sand next to him, "Come here, Little One,"

Rey scrambles through the sand towards him, slipping in her eagerness. He still smirks as she almost falls into a mirror of his pose next to him. 

"The Grey Jedi follow the path between Light and Dark. They believe there is no balance in following only one side; there is only Force,"

"Have you ever met a Grey Jedi?" Rey's voice is breathless to even her own ears and she winces at her excitement. 

But Anakin's face is passive as he looks away, "No," His voice breaks with an emotion Rey isn't sure she wants to press, so she resolves to sit in silence but Anakin continues, stiltedly, "I did know two people however, Mace Windu and Qui Gon Jinn. Qui Gon was...was almost my Master. He bartered for me and my mother but could only...could only take me," Anakin sniffs and Rey watches a year roll down his cheek, "Master...Mace Windu I killed. After Palpatine killed my mother,"

Rey reaches her own hand out and takes Anakin's in her own. She curses Palpatine for all he has done to this family and they sit in silence for a very long time. 

When Anakin does speak again the red suns are beginning to rise, casting them in a red glow. The sand sparkles in patches and Rey's skin finally begins to warm as he says, "My mother died on this planet. I buried her body not far from here so I could…" he trails off, lost in a memory he doesn't want to share. His voice is hoarse, nothing but a whisper when he breathes, "I would have done anything to bring her back. With Padmé I…"

The words are left unsaid but they hang heavy in the air between them. She strokes her thumb over the back of Anakin's hand as a small comfort. He squeezes back tightly, lips pressed together hard as his eyes stare off into the horizon. Rey can’t feel any heat from Anakin- he’s a ghost, more chilling than warm against her skin but he is solid and real as she collapses against him. She rests her head on his shoulder and swallows her own grief. 

"How long do I have until the darkness wins?" She asks and Anakin's inhale is sharp. She doesn't look at him, staring instead over the roving hills of sand and feels the bitterness and hate rise in her, "How long until I am one of the Sith, like my Grandfather before me?"

“I can take you back,”

She sits up, finally turning her head to look at him. Rey blinks, and her face furrows in anger- she had hoped that this small friendship they had created would stop any notion of cruelness but clearly not. It’s hurtful and it strikes her heart where it hurts. It’s almost left her gasping, and she wants to tell him but he’s just looking at her. There is no anger or cruelty in his gaze, just pure unadulterated questioning, “I can help you save him,”

Rey lets out a small whimper, “What?”

“I want you to be happy, Little One,” he says firmly, and his eyes search Rey for something she isn’t sure she has, “Will this bring you happiness? Will it stop you from dying on a planet that has brought nothing but torture to my family?”

Rey stares at him, Something unfamiliar is bubbling through her, something she hasn’t felt in so long. It warms her, spreading from her heart into her fingertips. It’s _hope_ , “You...You can do that?”

He shrugs, "I was created by the Force. I can do as it wills,"

Rey feels weightless. She then realises she almost is floating, her robes tangling in her legs as she forces herself to calm down. She tries to think of the consequences, of whom else she could lose in this choice. But she stands to gain so much more- Han, Leia, Luke, _Ben_.

She doesn’t need to consider it anymore. She knows her choice and where her choice will always lie. This is her new hope. And she knows she will not fail this time. 

“I didn’t know that this was an option,” she finally manages and Anakin scoffs, not unkindly, in reply.

"Many abilities the Force has," Anakin says primly. It's like he's imitating someone but to Rey he seems so like Luke and Leia that it makes her laugh. It's a bubbling, bright sound in the darkness and Anakin's smile in response is blinding. 

"There are other jedi teachings. You don't belong solely to a cause always," he stretches his long legs out in the white sand before curling them up to stand. He looks down at Rey, “You deserve to be happy. And so does Ben, Little One,” 

“Anakin,” Rey realises with a start it's the first time she has ever addressed the Skywalker by his name. They both stare at each other for a moment, before Anakin waves his hand awkwardly for her to continue. She does, admittedly stilted now, “Why...Why do you call me Little One?”

He smiles, but she sees a glimmer in his eyes that can’t be passed off as nothing. Anakin takes a shaky breath before he answers, deliberately turning his face away as he says, "It's a name of an old Friend...a friend I sorely miss,"

When he turns back his eyes are rimmed with red but his face is still calm. He raises an eyebrow and offers her his hand.

Rey hesitates for only a moment, "Will I remember everything before?"

Anakin doesn’t even blink before he replies, "Yes. You'll never forget this life, even if you manage to change it,"

That's all he needs to say. She wants to remember the people from this world, because she loves them. She halfheartedly wishes she could return to say goodbye to Finn and Poe and Rose but she knows she will see them again. Not in this world however. There is no fear in her eyes when she holds out her hand to Anakin and lets a smile slowly curve her mouth.   
He smiles back. 

Then Anakin takes her hand firmly, and everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben lowers his head as though he can glare her into submission. With all of the heat that’s pooling and thrumming in her groin from his darkened gaze, she knows it wouldn't take much. He inhales and raises his hand, reaching for her as he growls, "You know I can take whatever I want?"
> 
> Rey bites her lip "Please do,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I'd like to thank both [flouridation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flouridation) for being such an awesome friend and beta, as well as [Offwithherhead88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Offwithherhead88/profile) for giving me advice and reminding me that everything takes time. This fic would have been abandoned without the two of you.
> 
> Secondly, to everyone who reached out after I posted my first chapter I am eternally grateful. You're all wonderful people and I cannot thank you enough.
> 
> TW for this chapter  
> Mention of Luke's actions against Padawan!Ben in TLJ  
> The Interrogation Scene from TFA

Waking up is harder. Everything is cold against her, her ears ringing and head swirling and spinning. The bile is rising in Rey’s stomach and she has to swallow hard to keep it down. She can’t move either of her hands or feet. It’s with a chill she can hear the rasp of a voice modulator. 

Oh _Force_ . Oh _Stars_. 

She knows exactly where Anakin has taken her and she is suddenly frightened of the future she knows is coming. She now has better built shields, stronger than anything she had the first time she was here. The feeling of someone rifling through her memories runs through her and Rey represses the urge to shudder. She has to do this. Because Ben is here and the alternative is worse than what she may have to live through again.

That being said, Rey knows she is going to punch Anakin the moment she sees him again, Force Ghost or no. 

Poised like a cat, the mask of Kylo Ren stares up at her. She stares back, steeling herself and forcing her heart to slow down. His head tilts to the side. It's like he's waiting for Rey to speak but she's almost afraid to breathe because this might all slip away. Because she might be dreaming and to say a word might dissolve this vision of him.

The silence hangs between them, heavy and thrumming. Rey's fingers itch to touch him. She manages to control herself, if only due to the straps of the chair. This scene has been in her nightmares for so long it's almost ironic that she's nearly happy to be here again next to him. She waits, even though she knows she's supposed to speak first. But her mouth is so dry and her throat croaks as she opens her mouth so no words follow. 

"Comfortable?" Kylo asks, tilting his head even further to the side. He waits a few long seconds for her to answer. When she doesn't he continues in the same calm voice, "You're my guest,"

Rey blinks at him. He seems confused by her lack of response and she feels him reach out to make sure she isn't harmed. Shockingly, she can feel his concern in his gentle touch. It's not a kindness she would have expected from him. He slowly stands, speaking, "I apologise for frightening you. But you did shoot first,"

The words are laced with humour as he raises his hands. Kylo removes his mask, eyes curious. His face is nearly as impassive as his helmet while he studies her _but_ his eyes. Ben’s eyes are so expressive she can tell almost all of his thoughts. She knows him so well, but so little at the same time. She can see his frustration, and a slight hint of fear in those eyes. Rey breathes in slowly, reaching out as quietly as possible with her force signature. Ben hasn’t realised that she knows yet, so she taps her signature into his and feels his emotions flow into her; excitement rushing throughout, warming her bones. 

Ben narrows his gaze. Fearing his detection, she pulls back, hiding herself again. He’s so turbulent, _her_ Ben, but she’s so overjoyed to see him, any fear she had moments ago has vanished. He looks at her with such intensity, such wonder that Rey has to fight the urge to shrink under his gaze. She is so much more than anyone thinks she is. Ben scoffs and turns his head away.

"You still wanna kill me?"

Rey shakes her head.

_No, I could never live with that - not again._

Embarrassment creeps in as the hot sting of tears prick behind her eyes. She can feel one slowly burning a path down her cheek, lips quivering and chest heaving as she searches for control. But it’s _Ben_ and he’s alive and breathing. There is no scar across his face, his cheeks are slightly flushed and Rey feels a desire coil and pool in her stomach as her gaze sweeps over him. Admittedly, this isn’t the strangest situation she’s been in within the past three years, but it is up there. 

Ben turns back to her, his own mouth parted like he’s about to speak. Surprise flashes across his face, something like regret in his eyes. They harden just as quickly, but he turns his face away again to stare at the wall, jaw clenching as he barks, "Tell me about the-"

"I love you," she blurts out and Ben...his eyes widen with confusion, the burning intensity softening to be replaced with shock. He swallows hard, glancing from her eyes to her lips, then back again. There's a soft pink bleeding across the tops of his cheekbones and over his shoulder she can see Anakin dropping his face into his hands.

Ben opens his mouth, but seems to struggle to find the words for a moment. When he does his voice is slightly higher pitched, breathless in a way that makes Rey's knees a little weak, "Is...is this a new Resistance counter technique to interrogation?"

Rey blinks at his response. She has to bite her tongue to keep from laughing as Anakin starts to chuckle to himself, shoulders rising with laughter. It bounces around the dark room like sunshine, making the scene much less scary than she remembers. 

Then she also remembers that Ben has been alone for a very long time; believed himself as deserving of it. It's no surprise that he thinks no one could love him when he's so utterly convinced that his parents don't...didn't. She swallows hard. It is not just Ben she's trying to save now. It's Han, Leia and Luke. The people that failed Ben when he was still a boy. The same people who gave their lives trying to make up for that mistake. 

“N-no,” she manages to stammer out. It hangs between them awkwardly in the cold room. Rey rushes to dispel it, “I mean your mother does love you but she doesn't know what I'm telling you-,” she clamps her mouth shut abruptly as he stares at her incredulously.

Anakin continues to laugh in the background, hand braced against the wall for support. 

“Tell me about the droid,” he asks again in the same low voice. Rey wouldn't say he was begging, but it's only a moment away from it. His words are soft and curl around her pressing gently on her brain. She realises he's trying to persuade her with his Force ability. He really doesn't need it when he looks at her with those shining eyes. His lips are plush against one another, and when he presses them together Rey clenches her thighs. She can almost picture him on his knees, looking up at her and whispering-

“Stop it,” Anakin barks. Her head whips to him, away from his grandson’s Corriellan whiskey eyes. Anakin glares at her for a few seconds before pinching the bridge of his nose as he huffs, “You're parading your _feelings_ loud enough that I'm surprised Snoke hasn't come bursting through the door,”

Rey opens her mouth to bite back, but when she flicks her gaze to Ben he's pink again. It drifts down the sliver of exposed flesh at his neck. She wonders how far it goes. His eyes are liquid pools of black, boring into her. She wants to know how far into her they’ll go. 

"Ben," she says, his name almost like a prayer, breathy and quiet in a room of complete silence. 

"How do you know my name?" His voice is almost a mimicry of hers. She doesn't answer, just watches and waits as he continually grows frustrated with her. His hands land in the leather gloves against the chair she's strapped to, barely an inch away from her skin. Rey burns with his proximity, waiting desperately for him to touch her. Ben lowers his head as though he can glare her into submission. With all of the heat that’s pooling and thrumming in her groin from his darkened gaze, she knows it wouldn't take much. He inhales and raises his hand, reaching for her as he growls, "You know I can take whatever I want?"

Rey bites her lip "Please do,"

The silence hangs thick between them as he registers what she says. The roseate color of his cheekbones deepens and his gaze dips to her mouth. Ben unconsciously sweeps his tongue over his bottom lip and leans in closer. Rey pulls against her restraints, her body like a magnet to his. Her eyelids flutter and close as she parts her mouth to-

"Could you _not_ seduce my grandson while I’m still here?" Anakin snaps, face thunderous as he glowers at the two of them. Rey remembers herself, flushing hotly. Ben isn’t much better. He swallows hard. She watches the movement of his throat and wonders what it would be like to trace the lines with her tongue. They haven’t moved though, and his hand is raised like he’s going to touch her face. Rey desperately wants for him to remove the gloves, to once more feel the heat of his skin against her own. She’s vaguely aware of a soft snick noise but she’s lost in the heat of Ben’s brown eyes it hardly registers. 

Anakin coughs. Pointedly.

It distracts them both- Ben’s head snaps to the side and she realises her own hand is free from her restraints. Without thinking she grabs his cowl and yanks hard to slot his lips against her own. And Ben...Ben freezes for a moment as she assaults him with her memories. 

Rey feels the bond spark and flare into life again. Inflamed, she pushes every memory of their time together through their electrified tethers. This interrogation, their battle on Star Killer base that leaves him with a burning scar that forever ties him to her. A sea torn battle on a broken Death Star where she kills Kylo so Ben rises. Ben flinches away from Han Solo’s death, abruptly breaking the kiss. She's forced to let him go as she pants for air. Breathless, Rey watches his face crumple, eyes glazed over as she continues to drag him through her memories. He closes his eyes when Leia dies and stiffens when she finds Luke. She deliberately hides the location from him and she feels Ben's frustration. It's sharp and acrid in the bond but she pushes on. He makes a noise of surprise when she attacks Luke and his eyes snap open. His face has a feverish flush to it, dancing across the tips of his ears and his nose. His eyes glitter with awe as he stares at her, mouth plush and slightly parted, “You fought for me,”

Rey nods stiffly and shows him that he fought for her just as much. Snoke dies before the lightsaber explodes. The battle against Palpatine, how she watched him battle against his Knights before they stood next to each other against all the Sith. The memories continue and Rey holds her breath as she watches him die in her arms. With the last fading image she lets him go, softly slipping from his mind.

He slumps against the wall, sweat on his brow and his fist clenching and unclenching. His eyes never leave hers, confused and scared, every inch a frightened boy that Luke almost killed in the moonlight.

“This is your only chance,” Anakin’s voice nearly makes her jump, low and quiet in her ears. She tries her best not to react and keeps her eyes fixed on Ben. His mouth is parted, lips plush and flushed pink against his skin. Rey waits for him to speak, holding her breath as she watches his jaw flex, his own breath shaky. 

He finally speaks, in a breathy whisper that almost makes her knees weak, "Who _exactly_ are you?"

There is not a simple answer to that question, but Rey tries her best anyways. Ben is terrified of her words and this is her last chance to tell him exactly how she feels. So there is no fear or worry when she says, “Someone who loves you,"

Ben gets off the wall, slowly approaching her as she continues, “And I’ll always come back for you,”

_Because I lost you once and I cannot bear to lose you again._

They stand in silence as Ben is within her finger tips. She can hear the hiss as her restraints loosen and free her. His voice is halting, as though he’s fighting the words even as he says them, “I can’t be this Ben you know,”

Rey nods and swallows hard, “I know. I’ve come for you because I want you,” She reaches her hand forward and brushes over his cheek, her thumb touching his lower lip, “And only you,”

Just for a moment, Rey wonders what it would be like to be kissed by Ben Solo. Not a desperate kiss like on Exegol that ended with her holding a still warm sweater in a freezing cathedral. Not a frantic plea for him to know her like she knows him. But a soft kiss where mouths meet because they just want to kiss. She wonders what that would be like. It’s almost tangible when she looks into his eyes because she sees the same longing reflected there. She presses her thumb a little harder into his plush mouth. His lips part, a hot wash of breath over her hand before he swallows. His eyes flick down to her mouth, and just minimally, he leans in. Rey’s eyes widen a little, and her tongue traces her own bottom lip in anticipation. Ben makes a soft noise, almost like a moan. It sends licks of fire down her spine, her eyelids half closed in anticipation as they get closer to-

"No,"

Rey blinks in surprise as Ben takes a step back. His eyes are closed, hands fisted as he shakes his head like...like he's trying to shake off words he doesn't want to hear. His eyes slowly open again and they're full of fire, lips pulled back into a snarl as his stance shifts into something Rey recognises all too well. This is a Ben who wants to run. 

“This is a trick,” he snaps, eyes flashing between her and the door, “The Supreme Leader...The Supreme Leader is clearly testing my control,”

Rey wants to scream because not only has Palpatine taken Padme from Anakin but he’s taken Ben away from her. And he keeps doing this, damaging the Skywalker boys until there is nothing left. Her hands curl into fists and the red hot anger races through her veins, crackling at her fingertips.

He backs away from her, almost stumbling. His mouth curls up in a sneer, “You think that Ben Solo is who I really am, and Kylo is a mask? You’re _wrong_ ,”

She leaps off the table, stretching her hand out to try and hold onto the fleeting moment before it slips through her fingers like his cloak. Her heart spasms in her chest and her lungs constrict as her blood turns to ice within her veins. _She’s failed._

Rey opens her mouth to beg or plead but the voice that calls his name isn’t her own.

“ _Ben_ ,”

Ben freezes in his stride to the door. Rey watches the tightness of shoulders and the desperation on Anakin’s face. When Ben turns to face him, she can see it mirrored there. The two men regard each other cautiously, Ben swallowing hard as Anakin reaches out like he's trying to touch him. Anakin lets out a heavy sigh as Ben’s jaw jumps. The silence is so tense she can taste it tangibly in the air, the Force is an angry buzz around them as Ben struggles for control and Anakin fights for an audience. It seems he has been granted one when Ben hisses out a low breath, the words almost a curse in his anger, “Hello, Grandfather,”

Anakin doesn’t flinch, staring back at his grandson with hardened eyes, “Ben, don’t do this.”

Ben laughs, a cold and angry sound that reverberates around the room. It’s nothing like the huffed laugh he gave as he smiled at Rey before...before. The man in front of her looks nothing like the man then. Ben now is frightening and trying to hide it under his armour and mask. She watches his fingers twitch towards his lightsaber, irrational anger making him witless. His hands clench tightly, feet automatically sliding into a defensive stance. Anakin doesn’t mirror him, just watches him with that same eerie calmness.

“Ben, you know it’s not me in your head,” Anakin starts, but Ben cuts him off with that same cold bitter sound.

"He's been in my head as long as I can remember," Ben spits, but his voice cracks. His hands shake, and a crack reverberates around the room, "You knew and you didn't _help_ me,"

"Ben," Rey says quietly. The room has begun to shake with his anger. She readies herself to intrude in Ben’s mind again and it makes her nauseous to consider it now with the weight of Ben’s words in the air. Her Grandfathers force signature presses on her and she almost gags, the pressure on her mind dark and heady. It sends aches through her head, throbbing furiously behind her eyes. But it’s only a memory, and she knows she can fight through it. She has to because Ben needs her and she refuses to let him go through this alone. Not again.

Ben flinches from his name, turning his face away. The tremors only get worse, ricocheting up her spine and through the metal of the chair, “Don’t call me that,”

“It’s your name,” Anakin says gently, stepping forward to reach his hand out to Ben. Ben takes a step back, closer to Rey. She wants to touch him so badly, wants to hold him and comfort him. She reaches out, trying to soothe Ben. He doesn’t look at her, hands still fisted as the room slowly stills. Ben’s force signature is still red hot, burning bright with anger. It’s a dark red but she can still sense the light hidden within. He’s so angry and lost, desperate for an anchor to cling to in his turmoil. He feels like he’s alone in this, as though no one will be able to help him no matter which way he turns. 

“You’re not alone,” Rey breathes. Ben finally looks at her and she can see everything. He opens his mind to her and she watches him become Kylo Ren. The little boy who loved butterflies into the boy with Palpatine’s influence curling around his soul. Darkness has always been there, but so has the light. She sees it all; the Jedi temple and his struggle with Luke, his desperation to be like his father and how he missed his mother. Ben feared his own darkness for so long, tried to hide it as much as he could. Somehow he managed until he awoke to his Uncle standing over him, ignited saber in his hand. His panic and fear. _I am a monster_ . That he thinks his mother couldn’t possibly love him anymore for all he’s done _._ S _he never has._ Rey sees it all; the temple, the students and even the Knights of Ren. 

When her eyes clear of the visions Anakin is stock still, staring at Ben...who is staring at her. He’s desperate, he still wants to run, but he’s still and quiet. His eyes are watching her, waiting for her to tell him he’s wrong. That she could never love him. Ben truly believes he is unworthy of love, of affection. Rey is so enraged by this belief that lightning crackles around her fingertips before she manages to control herself. She loathes her Grandfather, an all consuming hatred she will never be rid of. Rey wants to tell Ben this, wants to promise to go to Palpatine and rip his heart out. She wants to show Ben that his abuser will no longer control him. Because he is so much more than anything Snoke has ever told him. But that’s not what Ben needs to hear. So she wrestles her anger into compliance, fights all her fear and looks at him. 

Ben swallows. His eyes glisten like he’s fighting back tears. She tries her best to smile. He’s scared she knows. _It’s okay. I’m scared too._

Rey opens her mouth and finally speaks,

“Your mother never stopped loving you. She wants you to come home,”

Ben closes his eyes and takes a long shuddering breath. Anakin waves his hand behind Ben, and another soft snick comes up from the table. Rey’s free, so she does the only thing she can. She gets up, then slowly and cautiously walks towards Ben. She feels like her feet are made of lead, heavy and unmoving when all she wants to do is run. Her skin tingles the closer she gets to him, building into a heat that burns within her core the moment she’s in front of him. Ben looks how he did when Leia called to him; grieving for what he has lost. She knows he’s scared to lose it again.

Rey reaches, pulling him into her, arms slipping underneath his. When hands come into contact with the solidity of him, she realises this...is the first time she has ever hugged him. She barely comes up to his shoulder but she holds him tightly. His frame shakes against her with deep breaths, ragged sobs against her. She can feel his heartbeat under her cheek, a rapid staccato. Rey nuzzles into him, taking a deep breath as his own hands slowly come up to rest on her lower back. She can smell the lingering scent of fresh dirt from Takodana on him. Underneath that she can smell the hot sand of Jakku, and then a wisp of a dried flower she had scavenged from the Graveyard. He smells of home and she relaxes into him, closing her eyes as he curls his arms to hold her tighter. His head rests atop hers and they just hold each other for a moment. 

For those few precious moments it’s easy to pretend it’s just Rey and Ben, nothing else in the galaxy. No war. No Resistance. No First Order.

It feels too soon when she finally has to part from him. But she lets go and takes a step back, looking up at Ben who looks back at her with softness in his eyes. It hurdles her back to the way he stared at her on Exegol, a breath before she pressed her lips to his. Rey’s eyes drop to his mouth, and she considers kissing him now. But she doesn’t, suddenly shy and moving away further from him.

Anakin steps forward, barely making any sound as he stands between them. He looks saddened, as if the events have weighed on him heavily. Rey knows this is true, and she glances between the two men. Ben is calmer now, but still looks at his Grandfather with trepidation in his eyes. The Skywalkers are a family cursed with tragedy, and this might be the first time they can stop it from spiralling further.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” Anakin says, looking at his Grandson determinedly, “I’ve tried to reach you for so long…but there is no excuse,” Anakin bites his lips for a second, as though considering his words before he says, “Please don’t make the same mistakes as me. 

Ben stares at his Grandfather with something akin to reverence in his gaze. Anakin touches Ben's cheek like he's a child, and his eyes soften, "You look so much like her,"

"My mother?" Ben questions and Anakin shakes his head, mouth curling sadly at one corner. 

"Padmé," he says, and Ben doesn’t flinch but closes his eyes. He leans into Anakin’s hand, and now more than ever Rey feels she has intruded into a private moment she shouldn’t be allowed to bear witness to.

She waits for them to part, but when Ben turns his intense gaze back on her she squirms. Rey is quick to notice Anakin looking between the two, a fair amount of amusement crossing his features. He snorts something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like, “ _Padawans_ ,” before he turns away, leaving the two of them standing awkwardly and avoiding eye contact. 

“We need to blow up the cannon,” Rey finally manages and Ben scoffs, “Ben, I’m serious,”

“I know,” he bites out, face still turned away. But his dark brows are pulled into a frown, “It’s not my project; it’s Hux’s. I’m not sure how,”

Rey chances a guess that Ben as an adult might still be hiding the love of mischief and takes a breath. She knows exactly what to ask and if Ben agrees then it’s gonna be a lot easier than she hopes, “Do you know where you keep the explosives?”

His head snaps to hers and a grin crooks the corner of his mouth. It’s only the second time she’s seen him smile and it makes her heart squeeze. It makes him look so much younger, easing the darkness of his brow. Rey’s breath catches for a second. Ben looks like he’s waiting for her to speak, instead he offers, “If you’re suggesting that we blow it up...I could help with that,”

There is a lot Rey wants his help with but none are exactly appropriate to voice at this moment. She manages to catch his eye and she feels him reaching into the bond ever so gently. Unsuccessfully, she tries to damper her arousal. She knows that it didn’t work because Ben takes in a sharp breath next to her, pupils expanding so there is only a thin band of whiskey around them. She tries to quickly remind herself of the current situation (and Anakin), shaking out her sore wrists and averting her eyes from his. 

“How do we get out of here?” she asks, rubbing her other wrist where the straps have left a red mark from her pulling. 

Ben pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth and her brain shorts out for a moment. She watches his teeth worry the skin red, fixated for so long she almost misses him saying, “I have an idea...but you’re not gonna like it,”

* * *

Rey doesn’t like his plan at all. Not even in the slightest. She has to be reminded twice in the explaining stage to keep her voice down. In the end, she’s dressed in the white trooper armour and is forced to march alongside Ben as he directs her to the cannon. He doesn’t look at her when he leaves, but she reaches out with the Force all the same. She presses herself along him, whispering, “ _You can do this_ ,” faintly as he prepares himself to argue with Snoke. Anakin says nothing as he watches Ben leave beside Rey. The moment the door seals behind them she pulls the helmet off. The visor is difficult to see through and she needs to have cleared vision for her task.

Anakin’s bright eyes only watch the door as she starts to climb, dotting the explosives as quickly as she can in places she knows will cause the most damage. By the time they blow she should be off this Base. Hopefully.

With Ben.

_Oh Force._

Anakin snorts, the picture of stillness, “Calm down, Little One,”

“Easy for you to say,” Rey snaps back, dangling between the two floors, “We have no guarantee Snoke won’t see into his mind,”

“Have faith, Little One,”

“Fuck off, Anakin,”

Rey can hear his laughter, and she smiles herself. It feels good to smile when it’s been so long since she last did so. Only a few hours ago she was doomed to die on the sands of Tatooine and be buried with the rest of the Skywalkers. There is hope in her movements now, an energy that bursts through her fingertips as she prepares to live a life with Ben. 

It’s so close it’s almost tangible. Her excitement makes her bold, and she pauses on the second story, pulling another explosive out of her bag. She knows her question is going to be rude, at the very least make her sound ungrateful but-

“Why did you come help me?” Rey asks, watching him from the corner of her eye, “We would have been reunited in the Force in the end. Like you were with Padmé and Obi-Wan,”

Anakin takes a deep breath and releases it as she primes another explosive. She slaps it to the wall of the cannon as she watches him out of the corner of his eye. Like Ben, Anakin's expressions float clearly across his face. Another thing he managed to inherit from his grandfather, other than his temper it seems. Anakin's brows furrow as he licks his lips for a moment, stalling. He taps his fingers on his arms for a few more moments before he blurts, "I haven't been reunited with Padmé,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos mean the world to me. If there is a Trigger here you would like me tag for please let me know and I will happily update.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and you can find me on Twitter [@PunkForTheMomen](https://twitter.com/PunkForTheMomen)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The swish of a dark black tunic, high necked and billowing cloak. Soft leather boots sliding against the grass with high waisted trousers, leading to a cloaked helmet. The cracked red visage of a helmet she left on the Death Star, a life she left behind. Fear runs through her when the lightsaber ignites on both ends, because that's not Kylo, that's not Ben it's-
> 
> "Rey of Jakku," the helmet sneers at her, dark heavy breathing echoing through the forest around them. It's lit up in the glow of a double sided red saber, light bouncing off of soft curves where there should be hard lines of a masculine body. A hand reaches for balance, pale eerie white against the brown of the tree bark. They regard each other for a moment, and Rey begins to prep herself for a fight. 
> 
> The hand reaches up to remove the helmet. Yellow tinged eyes stare at Rey, with hollowed cheeks and pale skin stretched over starved cheekbones. Rey doesn’t want to acknowledge it, she can't acknowledge it but she has to, even as her legs and hands tremble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has supported this story so far. I'm pleased to announce I have a majority of the next chapter written (it was supposed to be in this chapter but word count got away from me). Please heed the updated tags.
> 
> For some reason I'm finding it impossible to link, but the title of this fic is a lyric from the song "Starlight Brigade," by TWRP. Please check them out, it is a beautiful song with a very strong message.

Rey stares for a moment, allowing the words to register. She only knows snippets of the story; Leia's whispers of how a Senator and Jedi had shared a forbidden romance over a scarlet fire crackling between them. Anakin looks away, voice cracking as he continues, "In my atonement...it wasn't enough," he swallows, hard, and she knows she's staring and how rude it is but Anakin admitting this makes her blood run cold as she realises exactly what could have happened to her Ben, "I...killed children, and Obi-Wan, and...I killed Padmé, Rey,"

He looks at her with such blue eyes, "I wanted to bring balance to the Force and I did. Almost. But I sacrificed so much to do it. And whilst I don't regret it all...I," his fists clench at his elbows and she's sent back to when they held hands staring at the sunset of Tatooine, "I would give  _ anything _ to have Padme back. I mean it when I say I won't let that destroy you too,"

Her words are slow, her tongue feels too big in her mouth as she sounds them out, "But...but Ben was manipulated...you said so yourself. He's had Snoke in his head since he was a young boy-,"

Anakin looks at her, not unkindly as he replies, "Ben isn't one with the Force, Rey. He never was. And he still did many things despite that influence. The Jedi would not show him compassion, Little One,"

Her words stick in her throat, and she swallows to try and force herself to speak. But nothing comes out. This is what he meant by it being her only chance. If she fails him now she never sees him again. And that's not something she can handle. 

When Rey looks back over at Anakin again he's turned away, eyes on the door. He hides his grief from her and his anger so she steels herself to continue loading up explosives. They don't have long enough to keep talking like this. She's so focused she almost misses Anakin's voice, "I tried for so long to reach him. But the Dark Side is a hard illusion to break,"

* * *

Lying in Ben’s arms is not a bad idea admittedly. Lying in Ben’s arms as he carries her through the base however is. She has to fight to keep from squirming, trying to leave her arms heavy and hanging uncomfortably. Ben radiates nervous energy all along his force signature, the white line wavering the closer they get to the exit. Stormtroopers march past them and she wants to cry out for them to leave, to break the cycle like Finn but she can't. She has to just lie there. She's never felt more useless. 

Anakin disappears the moment Ben had reappeared. Without even a goodbye and Rey was left with Ben, trying her best not to be a blushing bride as Ben had slowly lifted her. She had curled into him, resting her head on his chest and he had frozen…then held her close like she was something precious. Like she wasn't a dirty and messy scavenger from Jakku.

The tension doesn't evaporate the longer they walk, only grows as they get closer and closer to the exit. It's almost tangible, the taste of freedom flowing through her and Ben as they take one more step-

"Ren," 

The voice that barks makes Ben stop and stiffen. He rotates on his heel, but doesn't walk towards it. He adjusts Rey in his arms slightly urging  _ Be Still _ to her as he relaxes himself. It's an illusion; she can feel his frustration as though it is her own. It only grows with the tap, tap, tap, of boots that walks towards them. 

“General Hux,” Ben’s voice is dangerously low and rattling in her skull. She calms herself, fighting the urge to curl further into where she is cradled. Instinctively, Ben’s arms tighten around her, pulling her closer into his warm black shawl. Instead of the hardness she expects to find under her head there is only soft and comforting warmth, "Is there a problem?"

Hux. The man makes her skin crawl; whilst they share similar accents there is no part of her that wants them to belong to the same planet. She would prefer it if they had the fortune to not know of each other ever again. 

"Where are you taking the Scavenger?" Hux is nasally, nasty and Rey would just love to punch him for everything he did to Rose. She can almost feel the way his nose would crunch under her knuckles. She wants to taste that blood, wants him to whimper at her feet for forgiveness. Ben stiffens behind her, hands tightening where he holds her to where it's almost painful. Rey wonders why. 

"The Supreme Leader wants me to bring her to him," Ben drawls in reply, “Are you questioning the orders of the Supreme Leader?”

“I only wonder why the Supreme Leader has requested it separately-,"

“There is nothing to wonder, General Hux,” Ben replies coolly, voice buzzing in her ears through the voice modulator, "If the Supreme Leader wanted the opinions of a rabid curr you would be joining us,"

Silence reigns down for a few seconds too long. She can feel the utter rage reminating off of Hux- bitter and hot, furiously swirling around the three of them against the blank coolness of the hall. Hux makes an irritated squeak before he turns and walks away, crisp and sharp taps echoing. Ben releases the breath he's holding, calmness and relief shot through with... _ arousal? _

Whatever has Ben so pressed has to be ignored as they calmly walk into the ships bay. Rey has to still pretend even though no one is there, but it's worth it just for the few extra seconds in his arms. He quickly ditches the gloves and mask in the small interior. It's kind of cramped in Ben’s ship; it’s hard enough to fit Ben into the ship by himself. Rey is slender, but she’s still tall so she has to fold herself into the seat with him. She’s pressed along every line of him, his lap her seat as they leave the doc hiking bay. Ben goes pink at the tips of his ears when she first sits on him and sits rigidly still. Rey herself feels a flush creeping up her chest, her face going hot as one of his large hands wraps around her waist to hold her still as he begins steering to leave. 

“Can you press the green button,” Ben asks her, then makes a strangled noise as she leans to do so. She turns her head to stare at him, but his eyes are closed tightly, mouth pressed into a line as he takes deep breaths. Concerned, she shuffles in his lap to try and turn but his hands grab her hips. They're still in the soft leather gloves but they're tight enough on her she can't move as he grits out a quiet, "Please stop  _ moving _ ,"

Rey is about to ask him if he’s alright when she feels it pressing into her lower back. Oh.  _ Oh _ . She’s seen human male genitalia before - people are not shy in a desert when it comes to bathing. But the thought of seeing Ben’s makes her feel a little dizzy. She swallows around a dry tongue at the thought of Ben seeing her bare herself. Of his large hands on her skin, pale alabaster against her skin kissed tan.

Against her better judgement, she rocks back a little. Ben’s eyes snap to hers, the same red flush from the interrogation room spreading across his cheekbones again. He growls, low in his throat, “Rey,”

Admittedly, the noise makes her want to do it again, to see if she can make other sounds from his flushed mouth. Rey wants to see if he’ll whimper for her, or bite his lip, or whisper her name or shout. 

But being in a Tie Fighter, only just escaping the First Order through sheer will and nothing else is probably not the greatest moment to test Ben’s boundaries. Besides the fact that Snoke is still alive and in Ben’s head really does put an end to that train of thought. 

"You can do this," she promises him. And she truly believes it because Ben...Kylo can truly do anything. He closes his eyes and types in a code that she thinks he doesn't have to try to remember at this point. 

Rey shifts again, and ignores his grunt. When she’s straddling him, his eyes open. She knows exactly now, why Ben chose to wear a mask. He wears his emotions so clearly on his face - his eyes are soft amber, with worry etched into the skin between his brows. She smooths her finger over the line, following his nose to the bow of his lips. Ben sits there quietly and lets her, never moving his eyes from her. As she touches him, he relaxes under her fingertips, thighs spreading under hers slightly. The burn of the stretch is so pleasant she feels a little shiver run up her spine. Ben swallows and his shaking hands rise from the chair around them to her hips, and his mouth parts to ask, “Will you stay with me?”

_ You’re a monster. _

_ Yes, I am. _

“I came back for you,” she repeats, and his hand comes up to trace over her cheekbone like she did to him, “I love you,”

With that admission Ben finally presses their mouths together and it’s like fire under her skin. She grabs his shoulders hard in her hands, feels her fingernails bite in the soft leather. He pulls her closer, arms pulling around her waist to press her tight against him. But his mouth is gentle, soft and inquisitive under her press. Rey traces his bottom lip with her tongue, encouraging him to mould under her and he does, opening his mouth ever so slightly so she can bite down ever so gently on the full lip. His answering moan of pleasure makes her head spin as she rolls against him. She kisses an apology to skin before she pulls away slightly just to stare at him. 

Her fingers have migrated to his hair, mussy and curly under her hands. His ears and cheekbones have flushed red underneath her, eyes half lidded in bliss with his mouth cherry red. Ben is panting slightly underneath her, crooked teeth visible just under his parted lips. 

A sharp buzz cuts through the silence and Rey jumps, turning her head to the noise. Ben reaches around her to press a small red button on the consol as he barks, “124-329,” 

They both sit for a moment, waiting. Rey can hear almost ragged breaths on the other line as the silence stretches for longer than she thinks she can take. Just as she’s about to speak, a voice she hasn’t heard in so long speaks for her.

“Ben…” Han’s voice is shaky through the speaker. It’s pleading and almost tearful, echoing in the small space between the seat and the machine. Rey reaches out to grab Ben’s hand. It’s stiff and hard under her fingers but she brushes her thumb over his palm and presses her mouth to his skin. Ben’s eyes are dark and heady, focused on her where she's turned to look at him. He’s grounding himself to her like she’s the only thing preventing him from floating away from everything. He takes a deep breath and releases it. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth.

“Hey, Dad,”

* * *

Sex is the very last thing on Rey's mind when they finally land. The Tie Fighter is easily hidden in the trees of Takodana. Rey isn't tired, too thrown by excitement and the fact that Ben is  _ alive _ and  _ here _ and  _ hers _ . Just hers. She clambers out of the machine to feel the grass under her fingers, spinning around in the sunlight. Ben follows and leans against the wing watching her. The sunlight casts across his face, leaving him half in shadow as the bruises under his eyes only seem to grow. But the corner of his mouth lifts slightly, like he's smiling at her. It's nothing like the grin on Exegol, but she will take anything at this moment. She smiles wildly back, scuffing her toes a little shyly in the grass. She slowly walks back over, cautious even though her heart is beating like it wants to burst through her chest to be with him. It's an ache that's soothed by his amber eyes.

"You must have questions," Rey starts slowly, stopping a few metres away still. She stands proudly, tilting her head up to raise her chin. 

Ben just stares back at her, still that little upturn to his mouth, "You're a very powerful force user. I don't know how I didn't sense your actual power here before,"

Rey feels her ears burn, but she doesn't avoid his eye. Her fingers tap at her belt nervously, "Like I said before...I'm not the same girl you got from here,"

Ben raises his eyebrows pointedly, even as a flush covers his cheekbones, "You  _ said _ nothing of the sort," 

He's not wrong- she didn't say anything, just threw herself at him. But it worked so she's not exactly ashamed of it...even though Anakin probably wishes she'd done it slightly differently. Rey takes a second to ponder where exactly Anakin is. Or what exactly he's doing. Is this her life now? Does she navigate this journey on her own from here?

She gestures with her hand and they sit a little awkwardly in the soft grass. Ben sits cross legged and closes his eyes. He takes deep even breaths and Rey mimics him. Meditation has never come easily to her and never will, but she focuses on the moment here and now. With Ben. Maker, just the thought of him makes her heart race.

"What do you want to know?" She starts, watching him and reaching out at the same time. Whilst the two of them had gotten pretty good at blocking each other within the year apart they're too open to each other now. But Ben is a calm ocean.

Ben swallows, looking past her and into the trees, "Who  _ exactly _ are you?"

"I'm nobody," Rey answers truthfully. It's the truth, even as a…Palpatine…at least it's true to her, "I'm nothing and no one. I'm not supposed to play a part in this story,"

Ben just watches her. He opens his mouth, once, twice then closes it again. So they just sit in silence. It's not uncomfortable- Ben reaches out to her through the bond and she responds, an easy dance she falls back into it. There is an absence of the ache in her chest, only a warmth where happiness and love rests instead. It's like breathing, something that seems so natural that the years without it seem strange and wrong. She knows he feels it too.

"Who are you to me?"

Rey takes a shaky breath, "We're a dyad in the force. Two halves of a soul…"

Ben has been fighting a legacy all of his life. She's not sure how he'll react to being told his destiny has been prophesied for years before he was even a thought. Most likely before Anakin was born. 

But Ben doesn't ever react the way Rey expects. The blush is creeping up his neck again, eyes flirting between the trees and hers. His mouth moves awkwardly, the line of his jaw shifting. He finally manages to ask, "In your time, were we lovers?"

Rey bites her lip, and his eyes zero in on the movement, "Not yet,"

Shakingly, she holds out her hand, mimicking what she did in the hut on Ach-Too a lifetime ago. Ben eyes it warily for a moment, glancing at his own hand before he raises it. It's slow, like he's afraid she'll snatch it away like a poor practical joke. Their fingertips touch and Rey feels lightning run through her into the ground. She takes a shaky breath, visions of future days flashing through her mind. When they clear from the electricity all she sees is still her future, sitting in front of her. Ben's eyes are black, no iris to be seen against the dark circles of his pupils. Rey gulps, "Do you want to talk later?"

Ben groans his answer, "Oh fuck yes,"

This time it's him who closes his hand around hers and pulls her forward. He reaches up on his knees to press his mouth against hers. It's desperate and passionate, as fierce as what she feels for him. Rey pushes back against him and he follows her lead, reclining in the soft green. She pulls away for a second to just stare at him, at the constellations of beauty marks on his face. His hair fans in a halo around his head, a stark contrast to the red of his ears and bright green of the grass.

"You're so beautiful," Rey tells him, a hushed whisper as she crawls to straddle him, leaning down to brush her mouth over his as his eyes flicker shut. It starts out gentle, like the reunion of two lovers should be. But there is so much longing and want that nothing stays so chaste. It’s Rey who takes the charge, mapping Ben’s body like so many ships she has scavenged before. Her hands run down his thick arms, encouraging his nervous hands onto her hips. 

Rey presses her mouth to the column of Ben's throat and his breath hitches, hands fisting in the fabric of her trousers. She bites and he whines, hips bucking hard into hers. Her smalls are soaked at this moment, feeling the hard line of his cock against her. She grinds down, gasping for air before she recaptures his mouth again. Ben licks into her mouth, as hungry as she is. His hands slowly migrate to her ass, squeezing in his palms and now she moans. It's the most human she's ever felt, kissing Ben in a hidden canopy like there isn't a war or a battle going on around them. When he pushes up to a sitting position she follows, cradled in his lap. They pause for air and Ben stops her from kissing him again.

"We don't," he pants, eyes closed as his forehead presses hard into hers, "I don't...I don't have time to do everything I want to do to you," his eyes open, obsidian eyes on hers. His breath is warm against her mouth, plush lips parted as he heaves in breaths. His hands clench tightly around her hips and Maker, it would be so easy to just rut like carnal animals in the woods. But they have time now. 

Ben huffs a laugh, pulling back a little to look at her as he smiles a little more broadly, his cheeks dimpling. He looks at her with softness in his eyes, as his hand traces her cheek, "I'd love to say this is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me but…" he trails off in a yawn, eyes creasing shut.

“You're tired,” Rey states, shuffling off of his lap entirely. 

He shakes his head and stifles another yawn, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand, “I'm fine,”

“Ben,” Rey reaches up to touch him, to stroke her hand across his face. It sends a small thrill through her, that she can touch him so easily now.

Ben stiffens under her hand, eyes closing. But he leans into it anyway, eyes half closed as he looks down at her with parted mouth, “I… I don't sleep well,”

Leia had told her that too; a little boy of four who shook the entire falcon with his dreams. How Luke had told her that Ben's nightmares were getting worse and he was being secluded for his own safety. And for the students. But she's not afraid of Ben, or his ability. Rey is his equal in the Force, and he is hers. She will not fail him. 

“I’ll protect you,” she offers. It rings in the space between them. She can feel Ben's doubts hedging in, his uncle had promised protection and instead… Rey is filled with a steely determination, "I'll protect you with my life,"

It's still not enough she knows, but eventually he nods. Ben sleeps soundly with his head on her thighs. She runs her fingers through his hair when he flinches in his sleep, soothing him from the nightmares. It's everything she wants. Her heart swells and she can't stop herself from smiling as she thinks,  _ I could have a family _ . Maybe not on Takodana, and definitely not on Jakku but somewhere out in the Galaxy is a home for Ben and Rey. Where they can have their children and leave all the legacy behind and just be Ben and Rey. It can be that easy for them to live and love. She just wants to go somewhere green. 

It should be strange to have this much time now. But it's easy, even with the looming threat of Palpatine coming towards them. There is more time to train, more to study, more to love and live and heal. And best of all she gets  _ Ben _ . 

Rey's happiness is short-lived when the world around her quiets. It's like her connections with Ben, when the world around them would dim to nothing and all that was left was them and nothing else. Like all those times she is filled with anticipation and dread. She unclips Ben's saber and hastily attaches it to her own belt, eyes scanning the treeline for would-be predators, for Snoke most of all. He would die a coward's death by her hand. 

But it's not him that breaks through the silence. The swish of a dark black tunic, high necked and billowing cloak. Soft leather boots sliding against the grass with high waisted trousers, leading to a cloaked helmet. The cracked red visage of a helmet she left on the Death Star, a life she left behind. Fear runs through her when the lightsaber ignites on both ends, because that's not Kylo, that's not Ben it's-

"Rey of Jakku," the helmet sneers at her, dark heavy breathing echoing through the forest around them. It's lit up in the glow of a double sided red saber, light bouncing off of soft curves where there should be hard lines of a masculine body. A hand reaches for balance, pale eerie white against the brown of the tree bark. They regard each other for a moment, and Rey begins to prep herself for a fight. 

The hand reaches up to remove the helmet. Yellow tinged eyes stare at Rey, with hollowed cheeks and pale skin stretched over starved cheekbones. Rey doesn’t want to acknowledge it, she can't acknowledge it but she has to, even as her legs and hands tremble.

“My name is Kira Ren,” Not Rey sneers at her where she sits with Ben’s life in her hands. The Sith runs her eyes over the two of them, quickly averting her gaze from the man. She falters almost, then controls herself, free hand clenching into a small fist. But it doesn’t hide how she swallows, her red ringed eyes blinking hard to fight back tears. 

"I'm you," Kira continues but her voice is thicker than before. It takes her a few more seconds before she manages to look at Rey, long hair hanging limply around her shoulders. She doesn't glance at Ben again, doesn’t even acknowledge him beyond a sneer of, "You're what I wanted to be,"

Rey's breath catches in her throat, bile rising in her stomach. She adjusts, changing so Ben’s head lies on the ground. Rey slowly stands, eyes on her counterpart the whole time. She will not sit in the dirt whilst another being treats her like she belongs there, “What happened to-,”

“You killed him.” Kira sounds bored, but her face gives her away. Her eyes, yellow and wild, are filled with pain, not joy or happiness, “And the others. When they tried to stop you, they were killed like the dogs they were,”

Rey's anger burns in her chest, wild and heady. Her fists clench and she spits through her teeth, "You're a liar! They were good people-,"

Kira snarls, swinging up her saber and Rey stumbles back, too slow to grab Ben’s from her waist, "THEY LET HIM DIE!"

Kira has both anger and energy on her side, and Rey is exhausted. She knows she can't have the upper hand in this fight but she can block better than any swordsman she knows. She parries and blocks, never on the offense as Kira screams bloody murder to the treetops, "They wouldn't let me search for him, they wouldn't let me try my best to bring him back!”

Rey is going to be sick, bile catching in her throat as she dodges and evades Kira's wrath. Ben’s unstable saber shakes in her hand, a vibration that reminds her of the throne room. 

_ Join me _ . 

Rey screams back at Kira like she did then and spins as hard as she can, bringing down the cross guard to burn a line into the other girl's wrist. Kira barely reacts, using her own hand to shove Rey back so she is left stumbling. She recovers quickly, springing back up and slamming down on Kira’s saber, raised to protect herself from the blow. The red glints off her eyes, turning them Amber. She smiles inanely, like she's enjoying herself. Rey can feel it, her pleasure at this sickening dance. She can feel her pulling at the darkness, prodding at the phantom pain of losing Ben to make her weak. And it works; Rey gasps, overcome with the sudden sharp stab and recoils. That's when Kira becomes the aggressor, their blades caught in a cross as she bends her perfect beam towards Rey.

“I will never be like you,” Rey hisses, pushing back as hard as she can. She's slipping, her feet unused to the soft grass. Kira takes advantage of her weakness, swinging up the other end of her saber to trap Kylo’s and rip it away from her. It flies into the trees, landing with a thud. Rey is left with only her fists but she is not stupid enough to lunge. At least not yet.

Kira’s saber turns closer to Rey, who doesn't flinch. There is nothing Kira could do that would scare her, or so she thinks. The heat lingers against Rey’s neck, as Kira, eyes wild and crazy, reaches forward to brush Rey’s cheek with her hand. Kira’s gaze softens with sanity for only a moment as she whispers, “You still could be,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna have a happy ending I promise! Just keep thinking that okay? Kudos and Comments mean the world to me. As always you can find me on twitter [@PunkyA03](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey doesn't cling to those words like the raft she wants them to be. She squeezes her eyes shut, pressing harder into him as he pulls her tighter. The words slip past her lips unbidden, soft and hazy in the bubble they've created amount the trees, "I think I'm supposed to belong with you,"
> 
> Ben takes a slow stuttering breath. But he doesn't say anything, just holds her tightly as they sit in the grass together. She leans back, looking up at him like she did on Exegol. He's not looking at her in the same way- instead of reverence there is lust, a heat and want in his gaze. Fire burns in her core and she reaches for him, tangling her fingers into his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello...I am so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I had a comment that really put me off updating this fic as they didn't think that the direction I wanted to take the fic in was very good. It took me a little too long to come back to writing this, and I seriously considered abandoning it. At the current moment I'm actually now working on the last two chapters, so fingers crossed it doesn't take me an entire month to update again!
> 
> The smut in this chapter is all thanks to [dankobah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dankobah/pseuds/dankobah) and href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/faitaccompli/pseuds/faitaccompli">faitaccompli and of course, the Welcome To Naboo Chat. Without them it would have been a full chapter with me pushing off smut until the next chapter! So yeah, our awkward space virgins are gonna start getting it on in this fic! (at last!)
> 
> Please make me aware if I need to add an extra tag for literally anything.
> 
> Tw  
> Fingering  
> Semi public sex act  
> Character death (of non cannon character)  
> Blood

The Force sings around them frantically, high and grating. Rey doesn't think, just acts. She closes her eyes, lets the force take control, surrenders to the melody around her and lets her limbs dance along with the beat. Smacking Kira's hand away, the girl stumbles. She nearly burns her hand and turns on Rey with a growl, saber hissing as she twists it in her hands. She jabs once, twice, throwing her arm out to try and catch Rey who dances back. She waits, trying to irritate Kira into making a mistake. It works, her frustration causes her to get tighter with her blows. Rey can predict it all, dodging out of the way of the blade. When she sees her opening she doesn’t think, she just grabs the saber and-

The stink of searing flesh fills her nostrils, and her eyes snap open to see Kira...Kira stabbed and shocked. The other girl looks to the saber out of her chest and then back to Rey. Rey flips the saber off frantically as Kira falls to her knees, her mouth still parted in a soft pale O. Rey catches her, cradling her to her chest. The other girl wheezes, desperately trying to suck air into a lung collapsed. 

When Rey raises her hand to heal her Kira catches it instead, linking her fingers through it. She shakes her head and blood spills from the corners of her mouth, dribbling to her ears, "Don't,"

Up closer Kira looks so much younger, scared and frightened. Rey strokes her hair out of her face, trying to give comfort when her own fear has her silenced. She wants to apologise but there is nothing to say, not when she's dying in her arms and refuses to let her help. Kira coughs, blood smeared across her teeth. Her eyes are unfocused as she reaches up to touch Rey's face. They're not golden anymore, they're hazel...like Ben's as she croaks out a pathetic, "Thank you,"

The words hang in the air whilst Kira's hand drops, hitting the ground with a dull slap. Her eyes are open in death, but Rey screams and screams and screams and-

“Rey!?” 

Hands grasp at her but she fights them away, trapped and frightened. The voice swears and holds her tighter as she sobs, desperately searching for breath. The darkness suffocates her, Kira's eyes haunting her vision as she calls out for Ben, Ben, Ben-

"Rey, open your eyes!" 

So she does. Ben stares back at her, pale, worried and _ alive _ . Rey reaches out, mapping his face frantically with her hands. Ben lets her, solemn and waiting. 

"I'm sorry," she finally manages, but he shakes his head.

"Don't be," he says flatly. His eyes are soft caramel, like the sweets Rose gave her when they first met. His voice is cold but his eyes are warm so she moves further into his embrace, seeking what little comfort he can give her, "Nightmares...nightmares are hard,"

But she's not sure if it was a nightmare, she can still feel the warmth of Kira's body in her arms, the weight of her as she took those small, wheezing breaths. She can feel the burn of Kira's hand against her face. 

Rey hopes that Kira has found her Ben again. At least in death, they cannot be parted again. Her thoughts turn to Anakin then, an acrid taste on her tongue as she thinks about him and Padmé. What has become of Padmé?

Ben idly plays with her fingers, turning her hand over in his giant one. The size difference makes her feel funny, a warmth blossoming in her stomach when his other hand comes to rest on her waist. She's sitting in the V of his legs, her own curled over one of his as she huddles into him. She tucks her head under his chin and sighs happily. She shouldn't be so careful, so relaxed when he's still so confused but she doesn't care. He's teetering closer to the edge of stability in this moment so she doesn't feel scared. Especially when he holds her close and breathes her in like he needs her for air.

"Where are you from?" Ben asks, his voice echoing through the trees. Birds chirp around them, happily flitting about. 

Rey knows he knows the answer but she shrugs and answers anyway, "I don't remember. I only remember flashes of my parents' faces. I'm from the Nima Outpost, on Jakku,"

He nods, his chin moving over her scalp, "Pretty much nowhere,"

"Yeah," the words taste like ash on her tongue, "Where are you from?"

Ben knows she knows the answer from countless chats with Leia. Chats where Leia would look at her curiously before answering with things like, "He was a terrible baby and a happier toddler," or "He liked butterflies," and, "His favourite colour was blue." Rey has seen photos of him in red trousers being held by a younger Han Solo, both beaming wide smiles for the camera. And a photo of a sullen Ben posing with Leia. The last photo they took together before Ben was sent away to the Jedi Academy. 

"Chandrilla," he pauses after he says it, thumb rubbing soft circles on her palm, "Well, I was born there. My mother was raised on Alderaan, but she's not of blood...I...I actually don't know where I'm from either. I'm supposed to have this great legacy but I don't," he cuts off again, hands tightening into Rey's skin. They burn hot against her, leaving trails of fire in their wake, "I don't think I belong to it,"

Rey doesn't cling to those words like the raft she wants them to be. She squeezes her eyes shut, pressing harder into him as he pulls her tighter. The words slip past her lips unbidden, soft and hazy in the bubble they've created amount the trees, "I think I'm supposed to belong with you,"

Ben takes a slow stuttering breath. But he doesn't say anything, just holds her tightly as they sit in the grass together. She leans back, looking up at him like she did on Exegol. He's not looking at her in the same way- instead of reverence there is lust, a heat and want in his gaze. Fire burns in her core and she reaches for him, tangling her fingers into his hair. 

Within seconds Ben pulls her to her feet, then puts his hands under her bottom and she jumps. She's cradled in his arms for only moments before she's pushed against a tree. Her legs fall down again, open as she pulls Ben against herself. All of the desire she's felt since she first saw Ben again is impacted in this moment where his hands are rough and pulling at her trousers. She helps as best as she can, and then his hand is sliding down, rough pads of his fingers reaching for her mound. 

Ben kisses Rey like he needs her to live, free hand tangled in her hair as his fingers move frantically. Rey moans into his mouth with the hardness of him pressed against her leg. He doesn't even grind against her whilst he moves his fingers, every swirl another zap of lightning ricocheting up her spine. 

"Oh," she cries, as he bites down on her neck hard enough to leave a mark, "Oh, Ben!"

Her fingers and toes spasm, her eyes rolling back as pleasure sweeps through her. She pants on the come down, Ben's hands roughly pulling out of her basics to wipe on his trousers. She leans against the tree, rough bark against her back as he holds her up with his knee. 

"Careful, sweetheart," he groans when she threatens to fall to the left. He steadies her with gentle hands. His eyes are wild and untamed, filled with excitement from watching her crest. She wants to return the favour, wants to make him cry her name the same way. Rey doesn't say anything, instead pressing the curves of her body against the lines of his, pressing their mouths together. He melts into her, gathering her face in his hands like she is precious and wanted and desired.

"Ben,"

Ben pulls away from her mouth, his hands still cupped around her face. She's at a loss not to follow him, leaning into the warmth of his hands for just a few seconds more before she opens her eyes. His head is turned away, mouth parted and face pale. He swallows once, twice, and then lets her go. His hands trail down the sides of her neck and then her arms until he has her hands in his. He holds one steadfast, almost painfully tight as he turns towards the others. He takes a breath and says in a quiet voice, "Hey, Dad,"

Han looks the same way as she remembers him, if a bit more flushed. His hair is ruffled, a blaster cocked at his hip. He glances at their joined hands, but it's only seconds before he takes massive strides towards Ben and engulfs him in a hug that forces Ben back a few steps. But he holds onto his father just as tightly, face buried in the crook between his neck and shoulder. 

Rey wets her lips, feeling awkward as a family she's not really a part of yet reunites. It's something she'll maybe never have, and the ugly thought leaves her cold. This isn't about her, it's about Ben and Han and the Solo men coming back together again. She wraps her arms around herself, averting her eyes when they start to sting.

An itchy pelt surrounds Rey and lifts her off the ground in a hug so tight she feels her ribs creak in protest. Chewie roars in her ear as he holds her tightly, dark eyes twinkling down at her with unshed tears as he praises her and thanks her for everything she's done. Rey laughs wetly, "I didn't do anything, Chewie,"

"No, you brought him home," she turns her face from the Wookie's fur to see Han staring at her over Ben's shoulder, tear tracks lining his old face, "You brought my  _ son _ home,"

Rey blinks hard because she  _ didn't _ . Ben made the choice to come home, she just helped show him he still had it. 

* * *

It takes a few minutes walk to get to the Falcon after Chewie nearly squeezes Ben in two hugging him. Han hugs Rey too, touching the side of her face and affectionately calling her, “Kid.” It makes her feel fuzzy and safe. It's something she hasn't truly felt since she was four years old and abandoned on a desert planet. Then they set off in silence again. Ben offers Rey his hand silently and she doesn't hesitate before she takes it. They walk side by side, staring straight ahead even when Han glances between the two of them. She's not honestly sure what Han must make of it but he doesn't ask, just shares his own look with Chewie. 

It's not until they reach the Falcon that anyone says anything. And then it's only a noise from Ben. 

He stops but Rey steps forward anyway, keeping his hand in hers. She turns her head back to him and she watches everything flit across his face- fear, shame, excitement flit past, leaving him anxious and scared of the future ahead. Han does stop, just walks forward to the tree line to give them some semblance of privacy as Ben struggles to find his words. Rey can wait though, Maker knows she's waited longer. 

"I-I haven't," Ben trails off, eyes over Rey's shoulder and focused on someone in the distance. She knows exactly who that someone is, "I haven't seen my Mother in 7 years, Rey,"

She swallows hard, reaching up her free hand to touch his face, along the side of his face where she left him with a scar, "I know. But it's never too late to go home. I know how much she missed you,"

Ben gives a shaky sigh and nods. He swallows hard and then moves forward, pulling Rey along this time. And she knows that this will be the way they stand together- as equals and as followers. She will be strong for Ben when he needs her, and he in turn for her. Always. 

Leia stands on the gangplank of the Falcon, smiling at C3PO as he chatters away. She's so much younger than Rey remembers; her back doesn't stoop, no cane needed to hold her up. Her face carries less lines and her eyes are no longer scarred by all of her losses. It's not the Leia she remembers but it is Leia.

Ben moves first, out of the shadows and into the light. His hands shake as he lets Rey go, branches crackling under his feet loud enough that Leia turns to notice them. 

"Hey, Mom," Ben manages to choke out.

Leia just stares for a moment, and Rey fears the worst. Leia is the Resistance General, the First Order's greatest enemy and Ben once again has his lightsaber by his side. But he's not going to, she knows he not-.

"Ben?" Leia's sob breaks the tension. She runs from the transport, crying for her child. When she collides with Ben he rocks back an inch, holding his mother in his arms as she sobs against his chest. They sink to their knees together, Leia's hands holding him just as tightly as he holds her. Leia whispers his name as Ben strokes her hair, his own face buried into her neck as his shoulders shudder. 

Rey isn't sure what she had expected. There is a surge of ugly jealousy for a life she's never had, a mother she doesn't remember leaving her behind. She breathes heavily through her nose, fighting for composure. It's a losing battle. So she awkwardly nods at Han, before almost running towards the ship. 

No one calls after her as she races past C3PO. Her heart is heavy and her feet feel like lead but she continues on. She has to move on from the past. Her family are never coming back. And that's okay. She's going to have a family here. 

They're just not hers yet. She slams into the spare quarters with a ring clang, slamming the door behind her as she starts to cry. It's fat hot tears that roll down her cheeks, tasting salty in her mouth as she curls up in a ball and just cries, her back against the door. She is angry and she's sad and she's just crying. Her life is all about crying right now it seems and she can never control it. She can hide it though. 

When she stands under the fresher she turns it up so hot it almost scalds her, scrubbing until her skin is just tanned without the sheen of sweat and dirt. She scrubs at the tracks on her face, cutting through years of grume until her tears stop. Her nails are clean again, hair free from grit and hanging limply around her shoulders. She grooms herself as well, thinking about Ben as she does. Before the women of the Resistance had gifted her clean unused and safe items Rey had used sharp blades from items to keep herself trimmed. With the thought of Ben seeing she wants to be neat. She wants him to want her, for her to drive him crazy. 

It's only when she steps back in she realises that she has absolutely no clean clothes on this ship. 

Shit. 

Rey quickly washes her basics in the fresher, leaving them to dry on the small heater in the bedroom as she flits about in a towel. Her arm straps are done for, too filthy to be washed. She could save a majority of her clothes but they stink. Nothing will dry as fast as her basics will so she's left pondering in the tiny cabin. There is not much to it- a bed that takes up a majority of the room with a small overhead cupboard. The sheets are white and dusty, leftover from another guest. It's taller than she is and twice as wide as the pallet she slept on in her home on Jakku. 

Chewie gave her some clothes when she first went to Ach-Too, a small linen shirt and grey jacket without sleeves. He'd brought them from this room. She'd just assumed they were Leia's when offered and had taken them hastily, grateful for a change of clothes. She tugs the towel a little tighter under her armpits, starting to search. She finds them in the little cupboard, alongside more clothes. But they're too small for Leia which means they…

There's a little doll that sits next to them. It's a resistance fighter. It's just like the one she had in her tiny home.

This is Ben's room.

It presses on her and she sits down with a whump. Her feet dangle over the edge of the bed as she stares at the steel grey wall. Ben's clothes. She wore Ben's clothes and never realised. Han kept the things his son left behind.

Her father didn't keep any hope. Han kept all of his.

Rey closes her eyes and wills for deep breaths. She's so, so, so  _ tired _ of crying. 

"Are you alright?" Anakin asks quietly. She shakes her head no, and he nods with understanding, "I thought not,"

"Think harder," she snaps, then immediately feels guilty, shaming flushing her face, "I'm sorry,"

Anakin waves her off. But he doesn't look at her, waiting for her to speak again. She knows what she wants to ask but the questions stick in her throat like knives, scraping their way out of her mouth so that the words almost bleed together;

"Was Kira real?"

Anakin has a half smile on his face. It's ugly and bitter. It reminds her of the way his voice sounded when he purred through the mask, "In a way yes. She was you, like she said,"

Rey swallows hard, fighting against the bile rising from her stomach. It washes her mouth in an acrid taste, "And now she's dead,"

It's not a question. It's a finality. Because Kira, herself, is dead. Rey who couldn't travel with Anakin is gone but there is a chance that Rey is mistaken in her hope.

Anakin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, "You are so like Ashoka. What exactly do you want to know, Rey?"

"Were they reunited?" Rey is never one to pull her punches and she refuses to now, even when it makes Anakin uncomfortable. He shifts, running his hand through his hair as the other flexes on the bed next to him.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes," Of course it matters to her, "Anakin...Kira didn't choose that life. I want," her breath catches and she's bites hard on her bottom lip. When she lets it go the sting echoes through the flesh and she whispers, "I want to be happy,"

Anakin huffs a soft laugh, but it's bitter and cold, "Yeah. That's all I wanted too. History repeats, Little One,"

_ History repeats _ . The phrase spins round and round in her head and she cannot seem to let it go. She feels like there is a giant clue she is missing, like she's supposed to have a big surprise. Her stomach feels like it's on edge, like she's about to make a jump she can't quite guarantee she'll make. Then it clicks. 

"It’s about legacy ," Rey breathes, slowly turning to stare at the side of Anakin's impassive face. If he's impressed with her realization he doesn't show it, "You and Padmé...you don’t want this to be your legacy,"

Anakin doesn't answer, he won't look at her. He just keeps staring at the grey wall like it holds the answers to the universe. 

"Anakin," she presses gently, knowing this is an open wound. She's not keen to face the famous Darth Vader wrath, "Anakin why didn't you tell-,"

"Because it doesn't matter," he snaps, and when he turns his head she finally sees it in his eyes, what losing half of her soul really does, "Four generations of my family DYING because of Palpatine. She is the other half of my soul and I...I just couldn't let it happen to Ben,"

They stare at each other until someone knocks on the door. Rey turns her head towards the sound and when she turns back Anakin is gone. 

The knocks continue, ringing around the small space as Rey struggles to manage exactly what her sudden epiphany means to her journey. There is someone at the door, her basics are still drying on the heater and she is pretty much naked under a thin towel. This is not the time to freak out. 

Rey squares her shoulders, tucks the towel a little tighter and walks towards the door, fighting the urge to swear as she opens it to see Leia, standing with clothes in her arms. They blink at each other for a minute, each woman inspecting the other. 

Leia...Leia's eyes are just as kind. She's curious, obliviously so. But her smile is genuine, light and easy even as Rey stares at her with a face she knows is full of longing, "My son tells me your name is Rey?"

Not trusting her voice to speak yet, Rey nods. There is a bubble in her throat that swells when she thinks about the Leia who died, who wanted everything for her son to come home. She thinks about the Leia she first met, a woman hiding her grief for her late husband. This Leia hasn't experienced that yet. 

"I brought you some trousers," Leia offers them forward and Rey takes them gratefully, "...I guess you know that Ben has some old clothes in here that should fit you okay,"

Rey nods again, feeling awkward. She swallows hard and manages to croak out a weak, "Thank you, General,"

Leia smiles that soft smile again and says, "Please, call me Leia,"

Rey feels like all she can do is nod as she steps back to let Leia enter the room with her. She hustles over to the heater and retrieves her basics, taking the trousers and quickly scurrying into the fresher to change again. She doesn't think Leia would care about her nudity anyways but she still cringes in her state of half dress when she re-enters. Leia has plucked a shirt and grey vest for her. She puts them on quickly, hiding her breast band from anyone elses eyes but her own. 

Leia turns back to her again, an item spinning around and around in her hands, "Would you like me to braid your hair?"

Rey hesitates. She's worn her hair in three buns for so long because...because her family needed to recognise her. But her family isn't coming back for her. And if they were, they're not in the resistance. She glances back to Leia, who is twisting the comb in her hands almost nonchalantly. The perfect politician. But Rey can feel her longing anxiety underneath it all. And her desperation to bond with someone her son has chosen. So Rey nods. Leia smiles so wide it lights up the room. She sits on the bed and gestures for Rey to kneel on the floor between her legs. 

The brushing is soothing, gliding through her washed her like butter. Leia's hands are quick and deft, using the comb to grab little chunks of hair to weave into the braid. It tugs at Rey's scalp a little, but she sits still and endures it. It reminds her of a mother she'd almost forgotten, a memory of being smacked on the head with a brush and being told, "Sit still!" 

"I used to practice my braids on Ben," Leia muses, pushing her head forward a little, "Where I come from we use braids to express so much,"

Rey wants to nod, but knows it will lead to a bop from a brush. This is too nice to stop so she behaves and plays with her nails instead. They're all pink and white again, instead of crusted with salt and sand. 

Leia chats to her as she braids, and Rey is mostly content to listen. Until Leia says, "You're not from this time, are you?"

It makes her seize up, shoulders locking even as Leia continues to braid calmly. She doesn't stop, still gathering strands of hair like she isn't sitting in a room where she's just thrown out such a statement. She continues, "You know where the cabins are, Rey. It wasn't hard to figure out,"

Oh. That's what blew her cover. 

A band snaps against her hair and Leia then starts tugging gently around her head, tucking and pulling at different strands. Rey sits still and endures it, quietly waiting for Leia's next bomb drop. When her hands finally stop, Rey shuffles on her knees to turn and see Leia. 

Leia is smiling at her. She's smiling at Rey the same way she did when they last said goodbye. Her heart squeezes painfully and her breath stutters as she says, "I missed you so much."

Leia laughs wetly, "I suppose I've been missing you too, Rey."

There is a moment where they just sit staring at each other. Rey reaches out and Leia does too, force signatures singing in a soft harmonious melody. Where Leia's is fuller and mature, Rey's is soft and bouncing, weaving a light counterbalance. 

"Thank you," Leia presses a kiss to her forehead. It's soft and soothing, like a balm to the ragged edges of her soul. Leia's palm rests against the side of her face as her own tears roll down her cheeks, "Thank you for choosing my son,"

"I'd do it all again," Rey chokes out, gulping huge breaths so she doesn't cry again, "A thousand lifetimes and I'd still choose Ben,"

"I think one lifetime is enough," Leia admits. Then she reaches down to wrap Rey in a hug that's soft, warm and everything a mother should be. This is the moment Rey had been longing for and she relishes in it. Leia smells like flowers and caramel, comforting and inviting. She feels safe in the hug and they stay for just a little long in the cabin. 

Just holding each other.

* * *

Ben blinks, “Those are my clothes,”

"Astute observations, Ben," Leia drawls, and Chewie laughs playfully. Ben rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as he leans against the edge of the circular table. Leia presses a soft kiss into Rey's cheek before he continues on. She slides into the cockpit with Chewie leaving Rey and Ben just awkwardly staring at each other. 

Rey deliberately trails her eyes from the bottom of his feet to his hair. Just to make him squirm a little bit under her gaze. He's kept the boots and the trousers but he's abandoned his black tunic for a soft black jumper instead. The sleeves are slightly too long for him she knows. He wore it on Exegol. She doesn't think but just blurts, "But you're too big for them,"

Ben snorts, "Once I wasn't," his eyes soften a little, "They look good on you,"

Then more awkward silence. Rey chews at her lips anxiously, unsure of what to say. Ben's eyes glance at her mouth and then away again, tips of his cheekbones pink. Conversations with your soulmate aren't supposed to be this awkward, right? Ben has had his hands down her pants, she should be able to speak to him easily now. 

"I like your hair," Ben offers. He makes an effort to look her in the eye, "It suits you like that,"

"Your mother did it," Rey offers back, also making an effort to look him in the eye. She folds her own arms, rubbing at her shoulder in a mimicry of comfort. 

It's awkward. 

They just shuffle in front of each other for a few moments until a voice that suspiciously sounds like Anakin mutters, "Oh for goodness sake!" and a sudden push in the middle of Rey's back pushes her stumbling forward. Right into Ben.

Her fingers plant on his chest, curling into the soft fabric. His hands come to rest on her hips, firmly grasping so that he doesn't fall any further. They freeze when they're righted, both just staring at each other wide eyed like porgs.

Ben swallows, "Uh...Hey?"

Rey swallows, "Hi,"

Then she just starts giggling. It's nervous to begin with, because she's never exactly been in this position- sex and romance wasn't a big thing on Jakku. Having a baby wasn't viable on a planet so corrupt that most of the people that did ended up dead. Rey got an implant at her first bleed and updated it every year. The thought that she might need it now just makes more of the nervous laughter come on. Then it infects Ben, the ridiculousness of the situation hitting them both as they stand in the middle of the Falcon. What a strange time it is. 

"This is insane," she finally manages, breathless and full of light. Ben smiles back, chuckling as he brings his hand up to caress her face. He tilts his head down, fingers smoothing into the baby hairs around her ear, "You really do look beautiful,"

Ben is going to kiss her. Rey feels excitement fizz in her stomach and closes her eyes. Her lips part in anticipation, reaching up on her tips toes-

"WE'RE COMING BACK THROUGH NOW!" 

The bellow makes them jump apart as Han pokes his head into the corridor across from them. He smiles easily, all rogue charm, "Just making you aware we can hear anything,"

It’s a slow, dull horror as she realises EXACTLY what Han means. It makes it very easy for her to turn away and awkwardly scratch her neck as Ben buries his face in his hands. His ears poke through his black hair, and the tips are scarlett. 

“Would you like a seat, Rey?” 

“No thank you!” Rey squeaks out, still unable to turn around to see what she knows is Han’s smirk. Chewie is still laughing to himself as she hears the noises of everyone else sitting. She decides to stand, feeling her cheeks burn as both she and Ben avoid each other's gaze. 

They sit in an awkward silence for a few moments, the air thick with tension. She can feel Ben's fear thick and hot in the bond. She can only do so much to release his tension, but when her eyes snap to Han and Leia she knows none of them are appropriate in the moment. Even the idea of putting a calming hand on Ben's shoulder feels like showing something so intimate and private. So her hands instead grip her elbows, hugging herself because no one else will. 

"So," Han drums his fingers on the table, "You two make a nice couple,"

"Han," Leia hisses and Ben's ears flame red through his hair again. Rey swallows hard, waiting to see what Ben actually says in return to the question. 

Ben coughs awkwardly, "We're not a couple...we've just met today,"

Han grins wickedly, "Trust me, from what I heard-OW!"

Leia punches him hard, cutting off his continued sentence with a polite smile on her face as she addresses Ben, "What your father means is we are glad you and Rey seem to have connected so well," her eyes glance over to Rey, her smile softening, "We're very glad, actually,"

Rey feels herself sag against the wall, watching Ben's shoulders move minimally. He's still so wound up, so angry. He's her Ben, just a little more to work through. Or maybe less. Only time will tell now, without the burden of his father's death to split his soul. 

"There are certain things we need to discuss," Leia says, and the tightness returns to Ben's shoulders again. Fear radiates along the bond. When Rey closes her eyes she sees flashes of a boy, not much older than her begging for Ben. He's on his knees. She watches Ben strike down a masked figure, watches a building burn and feels the heat on her skin. 

When she opens her eyes, Leia's mouth has turned down into a grim line, eyes hardening, "When did Snoke first speak to you?"

It's not what Ben or Rey expects at that moment. Ben blurts out an answer of, "I don't remember," at the same time Rey says, "Palpatine,"

Everyone turns to look at her. She swallows again, meeting Ben's eyes. They're so big and confused, wide and childlike in a man's face, "Palpatine has spoken to you since you were a child. He spoke as your grandfather. Snoke is a clone of his,"

Her words land in an ugly silence, the family ricocheting from the effect. She can feel Leia's fear burn through the ship, sees how her hand tightens on Han's thigh. Ben looks both horrified and confused, because he knows she hasn't seen any of his memories. She only showed him hers. She doesn't look away, willing him to believe her, "You told me before…" she takes a deep breath through her nose, fighting the lump in her throat, "You told me before you died,"

It's not a lie. She had seen flashes of memories from him when he told her about Palpatine being alive about her heritage. So Rey knows this is the truth. And she has to tell him. 

"Palpatine is alive," Leia whispers. She looks at Ben, heartbroken, "And he took my baby,"

Ben stiffens all the more, turning his face away. Rage burns red hot through Rey's veins, foreign. She watches him like he's about to spook, calculating the way to disengage him from his frustration. The room waits in hushed silence, hands itching for weapons too fast in the face of Ben's wrath. Or is it Leia's, her face as smooth as the lake but rippling with anger underneath. The air practically vibrates, barely contained energy in the rise of tension which grows and grows. Metal cups rattle as Ben's hands fists. He's fighting for control desperately and it's a losing battle. 

"We need to bring you and Rey to Luke,"

The words break the silence and the energy snaps. A loud bang echoes from the depths of the Falcon and Chewie roars loudly in frustration. He stomps past them all from the cockpit grumbling. Rey releases the breath she's holding and watches Ben. 

"No," the man in question spits from gritted teeth, "I will not go to Luke Skywalker,"

"Ben," Leia starts but Ben shakes his head sharply. He's struggling for words in a way Rey has never seen, his anger a mix of hate and fear and self loathing. 

"No," Ben finally manages, tongue twisting over the words despite his determination, "Luke couldn't protect me before, what would change now?"

Rey moves, starting to edge around a little more to watch everyone's faces. Ben closes his eyes and swallows, "The night that Luke's school burned down...there was a storm…" 

He trails off and hands clenching and unclenching rhythmically. Rey wants to reach for him, to hold his hand but he's too busy, trying to fight against a fear that wants him to be silent as he tries to think of what to say. All he manages is, "The storm was my fault. I didn't want anyone to die and they did. It's my fault Tai died,"

Ben's hands clench, tightening to the point where the metal starts to creak ominously. He doesn't speak anymore, awaiting judgement Rey isn't sure anyone wants to give. 

Leia is just watching. Han's mouth has turned down, highlighting the lines in his face. He tries, "Ben...you haven't finished your training,"

"I'm not going with you to Luke," Ben grits out. His hands shake in fists. He puts them on the table as the room starts to shake ominously. Rey starts making a plan in her head even as she steps closer to Ben. She reaches out and feels his barely contained anger, and under that fear. It's much stronger, a colour between the black and grey that seeps out like ink. It runs towards her but she doesn't recede, holding steadfast. She will be Ben's anchor in his storm. 

Leia looks tired, her face older in the harsh light of the Falcon. Rey can see all the love she holds for her son in her eyes, watches as Leia closes herself off and the warmness disappears. She becomes General of the Resistance, steadfast and powerful as she begins to stand, "Ben, your Uncle is the only one who can-," 

_ "Luke tried to kill me!"  _ Ben screams back and then claps a hand over his mouth. 

Silence echoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always you can find me on twitter at [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3). Thank you once again for reading, comments and kudos mean the world to me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We...we barely know each other," Ben tries, words mumbled against her lips as he lifts the top over her head. They barely split before their mouths are on each other again. 
> 
> "Mmhm," Rey nods, pushing him backwards with her gait as her own hands fight against the black sweater he's wearing, "It's completely inappropriate I agree,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S THE CHAPTER WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! I know, I'm surprised I'm updating this fast too. I'm doing my best to finish Chapters 6/7, but there is a chance that there will be an extra chapter added on. We're getting close to the end now folks. 
> 
> TW for this chapter
> 
> Arguments  
> Discussion of trauma  
> Sex, including oral. 
> 
> Don't hesitate to ask if you need something added to the tags.

The glass on the bunker shatters and the loud clang of another pipe bursting echoes around the Falcon as everyone stares at Ben. Ben who is red and shaking, eyes full of frightened tears. Leia's carefully put together face collapses in shock and she pauses in her rise from the table. Rey moves forward, putting her hand on Ben's shoulder. The silence rains, the only sound Chewie's moaning about Force users.. 

Ben glares at the table like his gaze could burn a hole through it, coldness radiating off him like ice. He thinks that they don't believe him. And nothing could be farther from the truth. 

"Why would I lie," Ben snaps, and his voice is thick, like he's trying to hold back tears. Rey tightens her grip on his shoulder, "But you'll believe him over me, like you always will,"

His voice cracks on the final word. She sees the temple burn, the heat on her face as the voice in her mind whispers, "Monster,". The Knights of Ren call to her and she joins them, watching Tai die in her arms. She feels the rush of pain, the anger and the call to the darkside so she-

Ben's hand clamps over hers on his shoulder. It's so much bigger, and it grounds her even in her nightmare of blurring images. She blinks away tears to find Ben just watching her. His big soft brown eyes are damp, his mouth parted as he just gazes at her. She can see the question in his eyes, does she understand why he's so afraid?

"You loved him," she breathes, not loud enough for Han or Leia to hear. It's the same love she feels for Ben, so pure and full of life. He nods once, closing his eyes slowly as he releases a shaky breath. A tear slips down his cheek and she brushes it away gently. Oh so gently, for a boy who is so afraid of her…and what she will mean to him. Slowly, carefully, she rests her forehead against his. His breath washes over her lips and she wants to kiss him. She wants to promise him he will never be alone again.  _ I will always find you _ . 

"I will kill Luke myself,"

The words break the moment. The split apart, heads whipping to stare at Han who is changing rapidly red with rage and Leia who is shaking. Rey has never seen Leia without control and this is a Leia who is ready to kill. Ben's mouth drops open, and Rey feels herself in a similar state. Leia always spoke of her brother in legendary tones so to see her furious to the point of murder is something Rey never thought she would see. Leia preached forgiveness, not revenge. Her mouth splits in an angry curve, "My child, and he tries to kill him,"

Han himself puts his fist on the table, slowly clenching and unclenching. All he manages to spit is, "Don't tell Chewie yet. I'd quite like to keep the Falcon in one piece,"

Ben breathes slowly and evenly beside her, trying desperately not to cry. He didn't believe his parents would react like this. Not about the perfect Skywalker. He doesn't flinch when Leia reaches her hand across the table, her palm face down but it's a near thing. Ben doesn't believe he deserves compassion.

"I will never, ever let him hurt you," Leia swears, mouth pursed and eyes full of promise, "You are my child. You are  _ not _ Vader,"

Ben nods in return, his eyes still glistening. He doesn't cry. Rey knows he doesn't believe her, no reason for him to yet. But it's a start, a new beginning. That's enough for now. 

"We will need Luke," Leia continues, but her words soften when Ben flinches, "But I will keep him as far away from you as I can,"

"If he lives that long," Han grumbles. He means it as a joke but the rumble for blood is an undercurrent that thrums angrily through the words. 

Ben still doesn't reach for Leia's hands. Instead he crosses them over his broad chest, curling in on himself. Leia sighs. "We need to discuss something else,"

Her eyes flit to Rey and then back to Ben, "How do we explain who you are?"

"We hide him in plain sight," Rey suggests, and the family roll their eyes as one, "We tell people he is Ben Solo, and Kylo Ren,"

Han snorts and shakes his head, "People won't go for that, Kid,"

Leia agrees, nodding diplomatically, "Ben could be killed,"

"Then I'll defend him," Rey argues, curling her hands into fists at their dismissal, "I'll leave with him and we'll end it together,"

"No," Anakin shakes his head, appearing over Leia's shoulder. His eyes blaze, "Don't be so stupid. You'll both die if you choose that route,"

Rey bites back her retort before she tells Anakin where he can go. If she speaks now she'll look insane, and she's not fond of the idea.

"We destroy Ben's ship," she tries again, "We make it look like he was attacked by the Resistance when transporting me,"

"The First Order won't think I'm dead, Snoke can see me," Ben shakes his head. He glances around the room, suddenly realising the panic, "Snoke can't right now. I'm muddying the connection, but there is no guarantee on how long it lasts, M-Mother," he stumbles over the words and then looks away again, back to Rey. He doesn't see Leia struggle for composure. 

"Is there a way to sever the connection?" Rey asks, this time to Anakin. She tunes out Ben and Leia, focusing on the man who appears in the center of the room. His arms cross, brow furrowed. 

"Mind shielding. Like a door closing," Anakin offers, starting to pace, "Snoke shouldn't know the difference. Ben will always know the door is there but Snoke won't," he turns to Rey, solemn, "It's your best shot,"

She relays the information to Ben who only frowns at her, "I don't think I can do that,"

Rey has to resist the urge to shake his stubborn shoulders, "Try with me. We're a Dyad, and we can close our connection if we choose-,"

Rey feels the door slam down on her. It's so heavy she almost drops to her knees in the sudden absence of Ben. The air disappears and she fights for breath, watching as Ben blinks. He's still here, he's not gone. She has to calm herself, slow her heart rate and cool her blood. The light shimmers a little and she feels light headed. The bond opens again and she gasps for air, dropping to her knees. Ben continues watching, careful as he extends a hand.

"Don't…" she begs quietly, fingers curled into her knees, "Don't do that again...please,"

"I'm sorry," he offers quietly, "I didn't realise it would be so painful for you,"

Rey takes it, awkwardly shuffling back to her feet. Ben doesn't let go of her hand yet, still watching her as she takes shuddering breaths, "It's...it's never been that bad," she bites her lip, looking back into his eyes, "But I felt like I lost you all over again,"

She can see understanding in his eyes. He knows what loss is, even if he doesn't know what she has felt. His eyes are so intense, his pupils expanding he looks up at her. His lips are red and soft. Rey wants to press her mouth-

"So we're going to crash the ship?" Han interrupts, glancing between Ben and Rey. Ben let's go of Rey's hand like he's been burned, cheeks burning red. 

Ben coughs, "It would seem,"

Rey swallows, dampening her own arousal under Han's smirk, "We need to make a big announcement that Ben and I are dead. We can't be used in any battles," her tongue stutters over battles as she realises some very important information, "The First Order has lightspeed tracking technology. They know where the new Resistance base is,"

Leia takes a breath and nods sharply, "We thought they might,"

Rey starts to pace, thinking about the ship and flight patterns...and if Ben is as a good pilot as his father. It's a long shot, a really REALLY small chance but if anyone could do it, it's Ben, "We could use Ben's ship and possibly a decoy to make it look like he is in pursuit of a large Resistance ship-,"

"And split the Resistance into smaller unmarked ships," Ben finishes. He nods, turning to Leia, "Can you get a majority gone before the end of the night?"

"The evacuation had already started," Leia admits, "When you contacted Han...we couldn't take a chance that it was a mistake,"

Ben nods. 

"So we use you and Rey as a distraction in ships, how we convince them it's you I don't know," Han takes over the conversation, the strategic menace, "And then crash both ships to make it look like you're dead. Any objections?"

"I love that ship," Ben says mildly. There's a small curve at the corner of his mouth. It quirks up a little when Rey kicks him gently under the table. 

"I'll help you build a new one," Rey promises, her own smile curling her mouth. Rey has an attachment to the other half of her soul, to Ben. She loves Leia and Han and the Resistance. She has a found family in Finn as her brother. She has friends in Chewie and Rose. But Ben is the other half of her soul. Without Ben she...she doesn't want to think of Kira, of her aura of sadness and her empty achine loneliness. She doesn't want that. She wants...

"Ben is the only thing I'm here for," Rey says finally, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He just stares at her unblinking, intensely burning brown eyes, "If he leaves I leave with him. The Resistance matters to me, but not as much as him,"

Silence reigns as Ben and Rey just stare at each other. She wants to count the moles on his face, draw constellations and follow the lines with her mouth to press the kisses into the galaxy of stars that is Ben. 

"We'll need to figure out what we're going to do with the two of you but it can wait. We're going to bed!" Leia announces loudly, standing up abruptly and grabbing Han's arm. They awkwardly shuffle past Rey before she sits in their vacated spot. She smiles a goodnight to them both, even as Han seems confused and Leia amused. When Chewie tries to amble past them they only grab his arm and drag him away too. The quiet grows between Ben and Rey, left alone in the belly of the ship. Together. 

Alone.

They stare at each other over the table, his gaze heated and she feels a blush rise to her cheeks as he says, "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you,"

_ You know I can take whatever I want. _

It's Ben's voice in her head and he's all cocky and confident even though he looks nervous and wanting across from her. Rey's lips part as she verbally repeats her own words back, "Please do,"

She's not sure who moves first, but it's slow. They both work their way around the curved seating to meet in the middle. Her eyes seek his and she leans forward, her hands gripping at the soft black of his tunic. Their lips brush and-

"STOP TRYING TO BANG MY GRANDSON WHEN I'M STILL HERE!"

They fly, literally fly apart from each other with a burst of Force energy. Anakin stares at the two of them in shock and a little amusement. Ben stares at his grandfather with no end of exasperation, but Anakin only shrugs, "I wasn't around when it was Leia and Han in the falcon and she was my child. This is me doing duties I've missed,"

Anakin is going to lose the afterlife he has now if he doesn't leave. Rey clenches her fists, glaring at the other man. He's only a little younger than Ben, but he has the same cocky smirk, same easy bounce on his heels. She calculates exactly how much force she'd need to put in a punch to send him sprawling. It doesn't matter anyways, as Ben stands up, shuffling out of the circle. He avoids her eyes as she follows, "Perhaps he does have a point, Rey,"

And maybe in another lifetime Rey will listen and go to bed. And they will kiss each other a chaste goodnight and go to separate beds and fall asleep dreaming of each other. But this is not that lifetime. So she ignores Ben and reaches up to wrap her arms around his stupidly tall neck to kiss him hard. He moans and kisses her back, arms wrapped around her to pull her closer. Rey leans into him, pushing him backwards to guide him towards the empty quarters in the furthest part of the Falcon. 

Her fingers twist in his hair and he groans, pulling away to pant against her mouth, "Rey…"

"Almost there," she whispers, slipping off her shoes as she walks. They nearly fall into the room, too wrapped up in each other to notice half of the debris in it. Rey doesn't even need to think to use the Force to wave away the mess, creating space on the wide bed where she plans to taste every inch of Ben Solo. 

"We...we barely know each other," Ben tries, words mumbled against her lips as he lifts the top over her head. They barely split before their mouths are on each other again. 

"Mmhm," Rey nods, pushing him backwards with her gait as her own hands fight against the black sweater he's wearing, "It's completely inappropriate I agree,"

And that's as far as they get before Rey pushes him down. He lands softly on the old bedding, staring at her with heated eyes. Ben leans back on his elbows, running a hand through his hair as she stands in-between his legs. She spoiled for choice; does she crawl over him like he expects or does she… 

A dull thud echoes when she drops, landing easily in front of him. Ben doesn't expect it, sitting up with wide eyes. The metal of the ship is hard under her knees but she can't find it in herself to care, staring back at Ben. He watches her with glittering eyes as her hands, confident and steady, reach for his trousers. His hand reaches out to grab her wrist, easily wrapping around her. She inwardly groans at the size of his fingers, wondering how much better the soft pads of his fingers will feel against her clit. 

"Are you sure?" His voice is quiet, rumbling a dark thrum that makes his shiver in anticipation. His other hand rests against her jaw, thumb cradling her lips. She opens her mouth slowly, and flicks her tongue across the side of the appendage. Ben shudders, then pants with need, almost as desperate as she is. It's her permission to go ahead as much as his, and she does. 

Rey pulls him out of his trousers and pauses with the weight of him against her hand. Long and red, the tip flushed and leaked on her fingers. He's...he's big. Bigger than she expected admittedly, and she's not entirely sure how she's going to make it fit in her mouth, never mind her-

"Stop," Ben whines, eyes closed as he leans back on the bed. His hands are pressed into his eyes, tongue flicking out to wet his lips, "If you keep thinking like that this is gonna be over a lot sooner than I'd like," 

Rey snorts out a laugh, anxiety dissipating in her stomach. She's never been a quitter, and now is not the time to start. So she squares her shoulders and leans forward, licking a stripe from the base to tip. Ben jerks, hands moving abruptly from his eyes to the bed, fisting in the sheets, "Fuck,"

_ That's the plan _ , Rey thinks to herself. She wants to nervously giggle, but restrains herself to flicking her tongue against the underside of the head. Ben jerks and swears again. She's never felt more powerful- Plutt always implied that women who did this were worthless, debasing themselves. But Rey feels like she is wholly in control, like she can do anything to Ben who will let her. It makes her head swim, fills her with confidence as she seals her lips around his cock and sucks. Ben groans and his hips shift, dick bouncing against the back of her throat. She gags a little, drool spilling from her mouth to dribble down his considerable length. She's barely got half of it in her mouth, so she swirls her tongue and pulls back, wrapping her hand around what she can't reach. His hand is thrown across his mouth, biting down hard in an effort to stifle his voice. It lights a fire in her belly, soaking through her basics within seconds as she watches him. There is a flush across his cheeks, a brightness to his eyes that will be seared into her memory for the rest of her life. She speeds up her hand, desperate to watch him fall apart because of her. He comes with a moan, hips bucking. It lands in stripes on her face, across her mouth and over her cheeks. His eyes snap open and his ears flush, "Fuck! Rey, I-"

Rey doesn't say anything, a little startled by the force of his orgasm. She licks her lips, bitterness exploding on her tongue. It's not as bad as the swamp rats from Tatooine, just a little musky. Ben watches her with hooded eyes, lips parted as she wipes the rest of the semen off of her face. She holds up her fingers and then licks them as Ben groans. It's not bad, and his reaction only makes her wetter, more desperate as she sucks the taste of him off her skin. She swallows the salty cum in her mouth and barely has moments before Ben is dragging her up to press his lips against hers, licking into her mouth as if to chase the taste. She whines in hope, straddling him to grind her core against him in hope of some relief. His fingers scrabble across her breast band, pulling it apart so that her bare skin is under his finger tips. She yanks at his sweater desperately, “Off, please,”

It's gone within seconds so their bare chests are pressed together. His hands tangle in her hair as he rocks up, fingers searching desperately. He presses the pads to her clit and she jumps, aching to be filled. She wants to be closer than they are now. He turns her so she’s the one lying on the bed, one hand still on the most intimate parts of her, whilst the other.reaches for her. He pauses, eyes flicking between her mouth and her eyes, “Can I?”

She nods, not caring what he’s asking until he tugs at her braid and her hair unfurls. The kiss he presses to her mouth is anything but chase, demanding and disarming. It makes her toes curl and then a finger slips inside. She moans against his mouth and he moves to her jaw, nipping and soothing the skin of her neck with his teeth and tongue. When he enters another it burns for only moments before he moves them in the same slow rhythm. It feels like her brain is going to melt out of her ears, fire and pleasure licking up her spine furiously.

"Oh stars, Ben!" She weeps, her mouth opening and closing desperately as she climbs closer and closer to release. He shushes her gently, still moving his large fingers. They make a loud noise in the cabin but she can't think to care, desperate and wetter than she has ever been. She wonders if she'll leave her mark on the bedsheets in the same colour that Ben has left an imprint on her soul. He kisses the valley between her breasts as she thinks, pressing softly into the peaks of skin until his tongue swirls over a nipple. She whimpers under his touch, pleasure sparking in her spine and running all the way to her toes.

"Do you trust me?" He asks. His eyes search hers, his pupils blown wide with lust. His tongue sweeps over his red bitten mouth and she trusts him so implicitly that she nods frantically. Then he curls his fingers inside her and she bucks wildly, biting her lip to keep from yelling. She watches as he gets closer and closer to her cunt, eyes wide before he presses a kiss to the crease between her core and thigh. And then he traces the length of her with his tongue and she bucks. This time she yells as he makes slow circles, then broadens his tongue till it's flat and uses unrelenting pressure until she's so close it's brimming under her skin. It's just out of reach and she whimpers for it, desperate. 

When his lips seal around her clit and suck she screams her orgasm to the stars. She bites down on her fist, only a whimper left instead on her lips as pleasure sparks behind her eyes and ripples down her spine. It's exquisite, like the burst of berries on her tongue. It's so much better than the quiet nights in the outpost where her fingers would quickly bring herself off with her face buried in the tags of her bedsheets so no one could hear her. It feels like flying. Ben doesn't stop straight away, but brings her down slowly, with such gentle care it leaves Rey's head swimming in a thick syrup of pleasure. When he lifts his own head his mouth is shiny with her. When he rises up to kiss her she can taste herself on his tongue and mouth. It makes her burn hotter, desperate for more, and she shuffles back onto the bed to bring him closer. He's heavy against her, his cock hard again against her hip and impossibly big. When they break away, he looks her in the eye and asks, "Are you sure?"

She doesn't need to answer for him to know. 

Ben goes slowly, eyes closed tight and head bowed. His hand clenches in the bedsheet beside her. Rey pants, sore and waiting for the ache to subside but it doesn't, it only gets worse with each movement. He's being so gentle, so restrained but she feels like a failure when she finally gasps, "Stop!"

He freezes, eyes opening to meet hers as he quickly withdraws. He pulls her up to sit, crouching on the floor. Ben stares at her, hands cupping her face as she fights embarrassing tears explaining, "It...it hurts too much like this,"

Ben smiles, a little sadly as he brushes an errant tear away, "We don't have to do this, Rey,"

She knows that but she so desperately wants to, she has since the moment they touched hands in a hut on Ach-Too. If she's truly honest she's wanted to since she cut him down in the snow, left him branded with a mark that made him hers, only hers. So she shakes her head instead and says, "I want to try something else,"

Ben sits on the bed and waits as she moves, watching her face intensely. Rey still feels shy in front of him, but she fights the urge to cover her breasts as she straddles his leg. His cock hangs heavy in between them. She reaches out, her fingers smearing her own wetness further. Ben bites his lip, eyes dark as she pumps her fingers once, twice, before she rises to hover over him.

The stretch burns again, sore and aching but she pushes on. Ben for his part clenches his fists in the pillows, taking deep breaths through his nose. Rey rests her hands on his shoulders, breathing in time as the pain finally lessens, inch by inch moving inside her. It doesn't feel bad, but it's not pleasurable yet. Not in the same way his mouth felt against her, not in the same way it clearly feels for him as he bites his bottom lip hard to keep from thrusting up into her. His eyes never leave hers, a thin gold ring around the edges of his iris compared to the Inky blackness of his pupils. His cheekbones are flushed, mouth red under his crooked teeth. He's gorgeous. 

"You're beautiful," Rey breathes, tracing his face with her hands. Her thumb brushes over his full lip, fingers framing his dark eyes as they search her face. 

She sits there, feeling impossibly full as her bottom meets his lap. Tingles run down her spine as he brushes his hands over her hips, fingertips pressing bruises into her skin. She knows he means it when he says, "So are you,"

"Fuck, Rey," Ben moans into her shoulder when he rolls her hips, "Fuck,"

His hands tighten on the crease of her hips, thumb tracing a soothing circle against her thigh as she rocks into his lap. His cock pulses in her and she shudders, pleasure lapping at the base of her spine. It's lazy, slow and climbing. She's so hyper aware of him, his breath hot against her neck as he pants. His eyelashes flutter against her collarbone. It tickles a little, but she curls her fingers into his hair instead, tugging at the tresses. Ben moans and his hips shift, brushing over something that makes stars dance behind her closed eyelids. She whimpers and clenches down, and he swears repeating the motion a little faster.

"Maker, Rey," he whines, lifting his head. She opens her eyes and tilts her head down to see him stare at her with unbridled affection in his gaze. His hand lifts and caresses the side of her face, tracing her cheekbone alongside his slow thrusts. He reaches towards her and she leans down, a bare press of their mouths together. 

"I love you," she whispers against his lips, foreheads together.

"I know," he replies, before sealing his mouth against hers. It's so gentle, so soft and careful. He doesn't love her yet she knows, but he cares for her. She can feel it along the bond, with sparks of pleasure. She can see her through his eyes, how strong he thinks she is, how beautiful. There is no possession, no jealousy, just a belonging. Because Ben doesn't want to own her, he just wants to be with her. 

She holds him closer, moving her hips faster as the warmth in her belly grows, hotter and hotter. Ben's hand slips between her legs, just above where they are joined and she cries out, loud and uncaring. He works tight little circles against her, pressing kisses to the corner of her mouth as she gets lost to the pleasure, waiting for it to crash over her like waves. When it breaks, it is so much more powerful than she dreamed; it's stronger than the ocean waves of Bhir, spreading from her core to the tips of her fingers and toes. It's like nothing she's felt before, and she can hear Ben swear underneath her as she crests, her breasts heaving as the aftershocks curl through her.

Ben is reduced to only her name, whispering it like a deity as he rocks up into her, faster and faster. When he comes he says her name like a prayer, like she is a deity he will only ever worship. She swallows it in a kiss even as the tears roll down her cheeks. 

This is what she has waited so long for, and something like this she will never regret. And she will never go back to who she was before. 

* * *

"Did I hurt you?" Ben asks, gaze flicking between her eyes and mouth as she lies against his chest. 

Rey smiles and presses his palm to her lips with a soft kiss, "Only a little. But that can't be helped,"

Ben presses a kiss to the side of her head, hands tracing the valley between her breasts with an almost holy reverence, "We have a lifetime to get better at it,"

Rey snorts, a little inelegantly but she doesn't care. She snuggles further into him, curled in an embrace she doesn't want to leave as she closes her eyes, "Yeah, yeah we do,"

* * *

It's later in the night when Anakin comes to her. He's solemn, barely able to look at where she sits. 

"I'm on borrowed time aren't I?" Rey doesn't let her voice tremble, because she knows that she won't leave. 

"Rey," Anakin looks at her with sympathy in his eyes, "It's time to go,"

Rey only smiles, sleepily curling into Ben's embrace all the more, "No, it's not time to go yet,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and Kudos mean the world to me. Thank you so much for all your support, and as always you can find me [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shush,” she strokes her hands over his hip bones pressing kisses to the flat of his stomach as she leaves wet paintings behind, “You're okay, Ben,”
> 
> "Fuck, Rey,"
> 
> She smiles, "Hmm, maybe if you're good,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say, except I really should never be allowed to make a chapter count without finishing the story first as this has gone up by ANOTHER chapter. Some smut at the of the chapter.
> 
> TW 
> 
> Ben gets punched.  
> Poe also gets punched  
> Luke Skywalker  
> Mutual Trauma discussed (Ben and Finn)  
> Blowjobs/gentle femdom if you squint  
> Blood and Broken nose description.  
> Mention of Rey being abandoned.  
> Snoke mention.  
> Panic attack

Rey isn't sure what wakes her. There is no sunlight or alarm. Her body is too used to barely sleeping except long enough to function. But now it feels like swimming from the bottom of a deep ocean, sunlight rippling through the water at the very top as she gently floats towards the blue. She feels warm, pressed against something both hard and soft. A tickle across her nose that she bats away, but her hand lands with a thump on another human being. 

"Ow,"

_ Ben _ .

She cracks her eyes open, feeling an ache between her legs that feels foreign and a flurry of emotion in her chest. Because he's here. Her Ben. It's almost perfect. He's turned towards her, his arm thrown lazily across her waist as he rubs his nose into the pillow. 

"Good morning," she blinks the sleep out of her eyes, grimacing at the taste of her tongue. Ugh, morning breath. That's not so perfect.

"Morning," Ben croaks back. He gives her a small dopey smile, like he's still dreaming and her heart skips a beat. Screw morning breath. She wants to wake up to this for the rest of her life. 

Rey presses forward, desperate to kiss him in the still dark cabin-

_ BANG! BANG! BANG! _

"Good morning, breakfast is ready! Technically afternoon but never mind,"

Rey will not question if contacting Han Solo before she had thoroughly debauched his son was a good idea. But she sits up anyways, standing to find her basics. They could do with a good scrub but until they can reconnect with the Resistance she will only have the one pair. She puts on her breast band then she lifts her head. 

Ben yawns and stretches, his hair mussed on the side he was sleeping on. He blinks hazily, a dopey smile curling up the corner of his mouth as he looks at Rey, "Hey,"

It's like everything comes down to a pinprick - she should be more worried about herself, about the Resistance and Finn and Rose and Poe but…everything is focused on Ben and the way he looks at her. Like they've been doing this for years. Her heart throbs in her chest at the domesticity of it all, "Hey you,"

Ben shuffles, working out the kinks in his neck before he stands up. He stretches again with a popping noise and groans. Rey bites her lip and squeezes her thighs together, imagines him making the same noise in a very different situation. Ben shoots her a heated look, "My parents will hear everything. Again,"

Getting their own PRIVATE quarters is Rey's newest priority. At the moment she just nods, irritated at her own lack of restraint and his seemingly endless one. He laughs and she feels miffed. 

Ben catches her hand and pulls her so she stands in the v of his legs. He reaches up to brush his thumb over her cheekbone, cradling her face in his warm hand, "I promise, I will follow where you lead,"

He gives her that half smile again, the one that rests in the corner of his mouth. Her own hand plays with the fingers of his free one. It seems silly now to be so shy about kissing him when they did so much more last night. The tingle between her legs starts to grow all the more, warmth spreading through her core at the thought of his plush lips pressed against-

"Rey,"

"Sorry," 

* * *

The Falcon is...the Falcon. It's old and gross in places. There is loose wiring that needs fixed and upgrades she can make. The whole ship needs a good scrub - "Has needed one for the last twenty years," Ben mutters under his breath - but it's enough for wherever they're going. 

She asks Leia when she finds a cup of caf. Ben seems to have unlimited energy, striding from one end of the Falcon to the other and muttering under his breath. Rey knows exactly what he's doing as she does it herself regularly still. Pricing and disassembling pieces, knowing what will need upgraded and what can be upgraded using only the parts they have. But until her second cup of caf she won't care to know what can be scavenged from Ben's ship before it's crashed. 

She can tolerate knowing where they're headed though, which is what she asks Leia. 

"Endor," Leia answers, holding her own caf, "We did plan for Naboo, but they have remained exempt from First Order at the moment and I'd like to keep it that way," she takes a deep breath, calming herself, "It was my birth mother's planet. Padmé was a Senator at one time,"

It's not news to Rey, but she nods anyways. Naboo. Famous for its lakes.

Leia looks to be gearing herself up for an awkward conversation. Ben senses it too, hiding in the crooks of the ship until his mother calls for him. And it's with extreme reluctance he comes to stand next to Rey and loop his fingers through hers. She squeezes them as comfort. His face remains impassive but he squeezes back. 

"Rey," Leia looks gentle, eyes soft. She puts a hand on Rey's arm as if to comfort her but it makes Rey wary, more tempted to get up and leave the table, "How educated are you on reproductive cycles?"

Her hunch was right. 

"Mother," Ben snaps, a flush coming up his neck, "Please don't make us have this conversation. I AM BEGGING YOU,"

"I'm just saying," Leia continues, every bit as stubborn as her brother, "You two are young and we're in the middle of war-,"

"I have an implant," Ben grits out, ears red where they peak through his hair, "So if we could please stop talking about this I'd appreciate it," 

"I know about periods and human reproduction," Rey says in a rush, just as eager to escape. Ben's hand is tight around hers, mutual embarrassment shared. 

Leia rolls her eyes, "That's all I needed to know,"

* * *

When they finally stop on Endor, Leia and Han exit the ship first with C-3PO trailing behind them. Rey and Ben stay behind, standing in the main room holding hands. 

"I'm nervous," Rey admits, itchy feelings of foreboding trailing up her arms, "I feel like something will go wrong before we have a chance to explain,"

"Maybe," Ben allows, but he gives her a small private smile anyways, "But we have to try,"

She's right. Because when Finn and Poe come up the gangplank after Leia and see Ben...well Poe's mouth falls open in shock with a hoarse, "Ben Solo?"

But Finn... Finn looks scared. Finn looks terrified, a look she hasn't seen since...since Maz's castle. 

"That's Kylo Ren," he says in a low voice. 

Realisation dawns on Poe's face and he stops, feet stuttering on the Falcon floor. Ben doesn't react, staring Finn and Poe down. 

"You...you're Kylo Ren," Poe says. Ben nods. Poe takes a breath then huffs it out again, face getting paler, "You…,"

"Yes," Ben says quietly. It echoes in the silence where they stand. He lets go of Rey's hand, body tensing as he anticipates what will happen next. Rey doesn't know what to expect. 

Poe nods, biting his lip as he just stares at Ben. Then he whips his fist back and punches him. A loud crunch rings around the space as Ben's head snaps back, blood flaring into the air and across Poe's knuckles. It becomes pandamonium.

Time speeds up, hands flying until she’s suddenly hoisted into the air, legs flailing as she tries to get one last kick in. Her knuckles are smeared with blood and Poe's face is already bruising as he's hauled to his feet by Finn. Who looks very surprised. 

"Don't fucking touch him!" She screams, voice cracking, "Don't you dare! He's mine!" 

There are angry hot tears splashing down her face. She bucks, trying desperately to fight off the arms of steel wrapped around her middle, "LET ME GO!"

"REY, IT'S ME!" Ben bellows in her ear. She goes limp, still sobbing to herself. He turns her, holding her tightly, "Rey, it's okay-"

"No it's not!" She sobs, hiccuping. She buries her face into his chest and his scent fills her nose, "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again,"

She keeps just mumbling never, her face stinging as she tries to get even closer to him. His hands are frantic, rubbing at her with soft shushing noises. But his energy is anything but soothing, confused and frightened which makes her cry harder. He was frightened when he died and she failed him, she failed him, she failed him-

“What’s going on?”

The world is a blur through her eyes, the room a clash of spinning lights and loud voices. Her chest feels tight and she fights for air. Hands rest on her forehead, brown eyes flashing before her. Ben’s eyes, Leia’s eyes. Everything seems hazy, a grey fuzz that makes her feel panicky and wild. She fights again, even as a rumble tries to sooth her, kicking her legs because she has to get out, out, out-

"Mom,” Ben looks away from her with panic in his eyes, as she sobs, “Mom, help!”

“Maker,” Han swears, running a hand through his greying hair, “What did you do to her?”

“Nothing!” Ben snaps, still cradling her close to her chest as she cries.  _ Out, out, out-  _ His hands are soft on her, “Rey, Sweetheart it’s okay,”

“The last time I saw her she was being carried into your ship, forgive me for thinking-”

“Shut up, Han,” Leia snaps, hands cool on Rey's hot face. She can't stop crying, forcing herself closer into Ben even though she wants to run because she just got him back. She can't leave him and he won't leave her and-

The world swirls into black with the wave of Ben's hand and blessed relief is the last thing felt. 

* * *

Coming to from the...she doesn’t actually know what to call it. All she can call it is a knockout, like the time she whacked her head falling from one of Plutt’s junk ships. Her head had been thick and full, even two days after. Plutt has told her if she died she would be thrown into the sands for the other scavengers to feast on her bones. Nightmares had haunted her for years. 

But waking up feels similar to the fog left in her head from then. Her mouth is dry, tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and feeling slowly trickles back into her limbs again. This planet is cooler than Jakku, nothing burning under her fingertips even in the shade. Instead she’s covered by a blanket, face tucked into a soft pillow made of Ben’s old cloak. It’s hard to think, and her eyelids refuse to move so instead she just snuffles to herself. It’s comforting here, in the dark. There are no problems to think about, no bonds and no people. She just wants to stay a bit longer. Just a little. There is a scraping noise, like a door opening and a thump of heavy boots, leather creaking as someone leans against a wall.

“Kylo Ren,”

Any urge she felt to sleep is gone. Panic claws at her limbs but she can’t move, still prey to the sluggish waves of exhaustion chugging through her. Her eyes feel as though they’ve been glued together, no chance of being able to open them to see the scene unfolding. Her heart hammers when she realises she doesn’t know where they are. They could be in the hastily built prison cell for all she knows. 

“It’s Ben, now,” Ben’s voice doesn’t reflect the same fear she feels. He’s calm, voice washing through the room. But his energy moves like the rough ocean, brimming just under the surface like a warning. Rey isn’t prepared to handle this, not when she can’t even move her limbs, “You’re no longer FN-2187, either I presume?”

Finn scoffs at the same time she manages to unpeel her eyes. Light shines through the window, bathing the room in a bright yellow that makes everything look so much safer than it actually is. Ben sits at the tiny table in the middle of the room, legs splayed across the floor. He looks like the picture of ease as he stares Finn down. Like he’s not counting the exits in his head, planning his attack and escape with Rey. He trusts nothing and no one. 

Finn looks just as calm, arms crossed. He’s wearing Poe’s jacket as though he needs the confidence when Finn is the bravest person she’s ever met. The two men just stare at each other, silently sizing each other up until Ben kicks out the other empty chair in a clear invitation. Finn hesitates for just a moment, then he takes long strides to the table and sits. He never once looks at Rey, neither of them seeming to realise she’s not sleeping. Instead she’s just watching them. They both sit in silence, watching each other.

Finn speaks first, “Where is your saber, Ren?”

An eyebrow twitches, “With my mother, FN-2187,”

Finn nods, seemingly satisfied by the answer. Then he reaches from his belt and puts a shiny new blaster on the table between them. His hand rests on it as Ben’s eyes drop to it. A swallow. No other movements. Finn and Ben both go back to being stoic, like the masks they once had are still there.

"Let's start by you not lying to me," Finn clicks his blaster from safety to stun, "And then I won't use this,"

Ben looks bored already with the questioning, but his eyes are hard, "A gun? You know I can stop it,"

Finn shakes his head, giving off the air of a relaxed man with the posture of a soldier, "I don't think you will though,"

Ben eyes the gun, distrust flashing across his face, “You don’t know me,”

Something snaps in the tension, Finn’s hand fisting on the trigger as the two of them just stare at each other. Finn’s lips press together, shoulders rolling, “Maker forgive me, but I know enough,”

“You know nothing,” Ben spits but Finn cuts him off.

"I don't understand why the General let's you stay," Finn snaps, hands fisting and unfisting in his dark trousers, "You could lead the First Order to us,"

Ben doesn't answer, just leans back in his chair. His resistance drains from him, and he slumps into his chair. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he opens them again.

"I'm not here for the Resistance," Ben keeps his voice low and even, meeting Finn's stare head on, "I'm here for Rey, and Rey only,"

Finn just stares at him, waiting for him to continue. After a pause Ben does.

"I've had Snoke's voice in my head since I can remember. There’s never been a moment where I’ve not been told my family doesn’t love me. That I’m not destined for the darkside,” he folds his hands together, swallowing hard, “Until Rey. Then it was a blessed silence. She...she doesn’t want me to be anyone other than who I am,” 

“You did terrible things,” Finn says, face still carefully blank, “That’s not an excuse,”

Ben closes his eyes as though he’s in pain, “I know. My friend...Tai. It was my fault he died. And I’ll live with that. I know I don’t deserve forgiveness. I was sent to Luke Skywalker when I was ten years old. Because they thought Skywalker could train it out of me. I woke up with him standing over me and I-,” he cuts off, voice shaking as he trembles. He fights for control and Finn lets him in silence. Understanding settles over the room in the silence, only Ben’s rough breathing breaking it. Rey holds her breath, waiting for an outburst that doesn’t come.

“I was raised to be a soldier,” Finn says finally, staring at the table like he’s trying to drill a hole into it, “So...I understand,”

The air softens. Ben and Finn both seem to look at each other differently. It’s small but it’s enough. Her anxiety ebbs away because Finn and Ben understand each other on a level none of the rest of them do. Just like no one will understand how lonely life has been for the three of them. Ben glances at the brown jacket around Finn’s shoulders, a slow smirk spreading across his mouth, "Poe's jacket huh? He must really like you,"

Finn just looks confused, which just makes Ben laugh. It’s the same soft chuckle from...from then, and the smile that spreads across his face is soft and genuine. She only ever wants to see that smile on his face from now on. Ben shakes his head, waving off the concern.

“It’s uh…” Finn shuffles a little awkwardly, standing up to fiddle with his blaster shy suddenly, “It’s Finn now. Poe gave me the name,”

Ben’s grin only gets wider, “Trust me, he wants to give you his second name too,”

Rey has to fight to not smile at that one. Finn scoffs instead, blushing as he starts to leave. But he pauses at the entrance of the tent before he turns around to stare at Ben again. He keeps his face carefully blank, eyes settling on a few different objects like he's trying to gather courage to ask. Then he looks at Ben and says, "Why didn't you kill me in the village?"

Ben doesn't look worried or confused by the question, more accepting of the question, "I don't know. I wish I could say it was because I didn't want you to die," he shakes his head, "I said I wouldn't lie to you, Finn. But on that night, I felt an awakening. I didn't know you were part of it,"

Finn nods, and then turns to leave for real this time. The metal door swings shut with a bang and Ben groans, rubbing his face with his hands, “I know you're awake, Rey,”

She closes her eyes quickly, embarrassed to have been caught, “No I'm not!” 

Ben laughs, a soft huff in the silence, “Come on, Sweetheart. You've got someone to apologise to,"

* * *

Rey sulks, crossing her arms over her chest indignantly, "I still think he deserved it,"

"Rey," Ben's voice is a warning for another lecture so she bites down her ire and takes a deep breath before huffing it out her nose. 

"I'm sorry I kicked you," Rey mutters, kicking at the dust with her feet, "And that I bit you. And that I punched you. And that I beat your ass,"

"Rey," Ben is exasperated now but Poe laughs. It's not a happy laugh, not even a very fun laugh but it's a peace broker between them.

“I don’t forgive you,” Poe starts, looking at Ben, “You’re a dickhead,”

Ben nods, “I understand,”

Poe scuffs at the ground, cheeks flushed as he mumbles, “But I’m glad you’re still alive…I missed you,”

“I uh...I missed you too,” Ben manages, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

They suddenly hug, clapping each other on the back like they’re boys again. Then they break apart, coughing and clapping each other on the shoulder. They’re both more flushed again. Rey and Finn don't comment. Much.

* * *

Life passes easily. They don't talk about that night on the Falcon, but they talk about other things. Ben kisses her good morning and good night. Ben presses his fingers into her some nights and makes her cry into the night, presses her mouth against her until she’s limp and exhausted. Very rarely he’ll let her touch him back, but when she does it’s magical. It’s everything she ever hoped for. The connection grows stronger everyday with every occasional brush of their hands, when she leans over him at the table, when he kisses her forehead. It grows.

The Ewoks love him. Rey laughs the moment they try to make him wear a flower crown with Leia, watching his stoic “NO!” turn into peals of laughter when they force Han to wear one instead. The cubs follow him around like he’s their father, carrying items he doesn’t need. Ben seems both embarrassed and pleased by them, and it softens him to the rest of the Resistance. But that’s mostly helped by Rose. Rose who has a heart three sizes bigger than she needs just  _ adores  _ Ben. She was the only neutral person when he first appeared asking, “Can you work?” when he reported to help her. Ben doesn’t want to be a General like his parents, he doesn’t even want to be a fighter. He just wants to be a pilot but he knows they won’t accept him so he works with Rose. Who adores him. When ships come back from test flights it’s Ben and Rose, her clambering onto his shoulders for panels he can’t reach. 

And Ben loves Rose. Sometimes, Rey wonders if in another universe...in a universe where Ben hadn’t gone to Snoke if...but that’s not this world. And it’s Ben and Rey. But she knows that if she is forced to go that Ben will have Rose. And she’s so grateful for that. Rose is the only person to not know him as Kylo Ren, or as Ben Solo. She just knows him as Ben, who’s left with the after effects of a life in darkness. And she’s a wonderful person. 

Who gets Rey very drunk the night before Ben and Rose are forced to go on separate missions. 

Which has led to now. 

"You're very cute," Rey drawls. Then snickers. Cute. Cuuuuuuuute. She likes the way the word sits on her tongue. 

Rey herself, is currently sitting on the lap of her perfect, amazing, beautiful other half. Who's just staring at her with wide eyes. Such big brown eyes. Like a porg. And now she's thinking of them having a troupe of porg babies that follow Ben around like he's their father because he too has brown eyes. The thought makes her a little teary. 

She wriggles to get comfy, slapping away Ben's hands when he tries to settle her until she curled into him, her legs hooked underneath his bent knees. Poe looks between them a little bemusedly, "Drinking with the pilots, Rey?"

"Had to defend my reign!" She pouts, tracing Ben's lips with her finger. They're so soft, a light pink. His eyes gleam in the firelight flickers, shadows passing over them. Their porg babies would never be afraid of him. Not like this. There is a flush creeping up his collar the more she touches him. She just likes to feel the soft and the hard parts of him. Admittedly she really likes the hard parts of him against the soft parts of her. A lot. A lot a lot. 

"You're so handsome, Ben Solo," Rey sighs, leisurely. Her head thuds into the corner between his neck and shoulder, gazing up at him as her hand rises to trace the moles she can see, "So so SO HANDSOME,"

"Thank you," Ben says quietly, still pink. He smiles at her, the crooked one where he doesn't show his teeth, "I think you're a little drunk though,"

Rey snorts. A little is an understatement; Han had passed out somewhere after drink six and Chewie had been the one to carry her over to Ben in what he called "princess style" somewhere after drink twelve. The other pilots had sent her off with a cheer, so she feels secure in her title of Queen of the Tankard. 

Ben really is so handsome though. He's so tall, and his nose is just so perfect. It makes his face seem so elegant, all plush lips and high cheekbones. He's missing his scar, the mark Rey left on him but that's okay. She gets to leave marks all over him now- bite marks in place no one else can see, no one will ever get to see but her. He brushes his hair out of his eyes, and her own hand follows it. It's so soft, but it hides his perfect ears. Ears she wants to bite so she can hear him moan. She really really likes it when he's spread out underneath her, with that flush that travels down to his nipples and the way he jerks when-

"Rey," Poe's voice sounds a little strangled, "You're speaking out loud,"

Rey blinks at him, three Poe's waving in front of her vision. He looks both amused and horrified which Rey doesn't really get. If you have eyes, and have seen Ben, then you know he's hot. He's even hotter when the blush flushes over his cheekbones like now, it reminds her of when she gets to suck his di-

"THATS ENOUGH!" Ben stands so abruptly she almost falls over, only his hands on her waist keeping her stable. She sways for a moment as the world spins. Ben grabs her hand and ceremoniously throws her over his shoulder. 

"Goodnight," Ben says, and then they're walking and his ass is perfectly swaying in front of her. She takes the opportunity to grab it, giant fistfuls in each hand. She wants to bite it, to sink her teeth into the firm muscles.

"Rey, you're still speaking out loud," 

And now Ben's voice sounds strange. Strange. Straaaaaange. She likes that word too. 

* * *

There is a loud hammering on the door and Rey wraps her hand around Ben’s throat to keep him silent. She shoots him a warning look to check he's okay but his eyes stay unfocused, hips held beneath her arm, “Yeah?”

“Hey Rey,” Poe’s voice rings through the door. She leans down to lick his neglected cock and Ben's hips jump, “Have you seen, Ben?”

“Hmm,” she pretends to consider the question as she swirls her tongue around the gland, “I can't say I have. Have you checked the forest?”

He whimpers and she presses down harder, edging towards cutting off his airflow. He pants desperately, face turning red under her but his cock only strains harder against his belly. It twitches in her hand, precum drooling down her hand. She lifts her hand away and with small laps of her tongue cleans it away as Ben whines underneath her. Her core burns and she rubs herself against his leg to release the ache. 

“We did but we’ll check again. If you see him let him know we’re almost ready to go,”

“Will do!” She says cheerfully, watching Ben pant for air. She lets him go and he takes a huge breath of air, looking at her with pure adoration in his eyes. 

“Rey,” he begs, shuffling under her. 

Rey grinds herself hard against him, ignoring his pleasure to chase her own. He groans and she raises her eyebrow at him, “Yes?”

He swallows, throat bobbing with her red hand print still there. It makes her feel possessive, desperation crawling up her spine faster than the flames. Power aches beneath her fingertips when he whispers, “Please, Sweetheart,”

“Well,” she muses, “Since you said please,”

He hiccups as her fingers dance over his stomach, pushing his shirt further up so she can scratch her blunt nails over his nipples so he whines and arches for her. His head is a halo around his face, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. She wants to bite them again, but there really isn’t time. There isn’t time for this but she’s going to make it so his brain is empty, no thoughts for her safety. He groans again, just a little too loud and she presses her fingers into his mouth. His cock drools with arousal, lips sucking on her fingers as she presses them down onto his tongue. Ben's eyes roll back when she finally wraps her mouth around him again, wriggling her tongue as she works him with her free hand. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he whines, the sound garbled. It only makes Rey burn hotter, sucking harder to make him buck against her. She can feel him getting closer, desperation crawling up his spine and calling to her. But she doesn’t want him to come yet, not when he’s still able to think about what he wants. When she pulls off again he almost sobs, hands fisting on the floor. Tears leak from the corners of his eyes, heavy gasping breaths pouring from his swollen mouth when she takes her spit slick fingers from his mouth. 

“Shush,” she strokes her hands over his hip bones pressing kisses to the flat of his stomach as she leaves wet paintings behind, “You're okay, Ben,”

"Fuck, Rey,"

She smiles, "Hmm, maybe if you're good,"

He lets out a breathless sob, arousal bobbing on his stomach as precum leaks over his belly. She licks the skin and then bites it, just to hear his sharp groan. She does it again until he’s squirming, over stimulation making every touch so pleasurable it’s almost torture. He’s a mess, tremors trembling through him at every touch 

“Please, please, please,” his head grinds against the floor as her hand reaches for his cock once more. She grabs him firmly and strokes just once before she kisses him, a mess of tongue and teeth. He’s so ready he can barely kiss her back, mouth opening for her.

“You can come, Sweetheart,” she whispers against his mouth and he groans. His eyes roll back, mouth open as his hips jerk once, twice, and then he comes all over her hand and his shirt. He keeps mumbling as he shakes through the aftershocks. It takes Rey a few moments to realise he’s saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” like a mantra. 

There is still cum drying on her hands when she realises she should probably say it back. She’s said it before; a month ago on the Falcon. But the words stick in her throat when she tries. Ben just blinks at her on the floor, smile dreamy as he brushes his hand over her face, “I love you, Rey,” and then in the same breath when his hand falls to his stomach, “Oh gross!”

It breaks the thick bubble, breath coming back into Rey’s lungs as she laughs with him, watching him strip off his shirt to quickly clean himself up. He wipes her hand clean too then presses a kiss to her mouth before he gets to his feet. He throws the old shirt in the direction of the rest of their laundry before he searches for a clean shirt. Rey feels cold, old worries coming back to the forefront of her mind after the face.

"I know you can't come with me," she starts and Ben freezes where he's changing, "But you can stay on the Falcon?"

Ben takes a deep breath, finally putting the shirt on, “Rey, you know I-,”

“I know,” Rey stands now, brushing off her trousers to come stand in front of him, “I know about Luke and I know the risks but...I just want you,” she chokes, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. 

Ben hugs her tightly, stroking his big hands over her hair before he speaks, his voice a comforting rumble, "Rey, this way Snoke can't find you because none of us know where Luke is. If the mission fails then," he pauses, takes a heavy breath and still doesn't look at her, "Then you, my mother and Han will be safe,”

That’s too much for Rey though. 

He kisses her forehead, wiping her tears with his thumb, “I promise I’ll come back for you, Sweetheart,”

Her fingers trail after him anyways.

* * *

Rey doesn't want to be a witness but she has to. She feels as grey and dull on the rocks of Ach-Too, watching Leia go after her brother with a blaster. Han strolls behind, his own blaster at the ready. Chewie growls and holds her closer, big paws sweeping over Rey’s face and shoulders in a hug. She buries her face into his fur when Luke finally gets dragged on board.

* * *

Rey has nightmares that entire night. Visions of her parents ship, the ship in the desert exploding, over and over until the two images are so blurred she doesn’t know which she’s seeing.

_ Come back! _

_ You’re a Palpatine _

_ Quiet Girl _

"Sweetheart,"

_ Ben.  _

Rey jumps awake, almost colliding heads with the shadowy figure, "Ben!"

"One and the same, Sweet- whoa!"

She doesn’t think, just throws herself at him in an attack hug, blankets falling to the floor as she tackles him. They hit the floor with a thud, Ben laughing at her delight, “Good to see you too, Rey,”

“You’re back!” she crows joyfully, uncaring that it’s late at night as she presses kisses to every inch she can see, “You’re okay,”

“Actually there was a prob-mmph!” She cuts him off with a kiss, moulding her mouth to his. Only a day apart and still too much for Rey. There is nothing other than this that she wants. It takes her a few moments for his words to register in her sleep addled brain.

“There was a problem with the mission?”

Ben looks dazed, breathless panting underneath her, “Yeah...but it can wait,”

"God you're a tease," he groans, subtly adjusting himself as they walk out of their hut together. 

"Finn!" she calls cheerfully, skipping over to hug him but the look on his face stops her. Tear tracks on his cheeks, hair a mess from where he's tugged at it. His hands fall to his side as he sees her but no smile pulls at his lips. 

His soft brown eyes are dark with an emotion she doesn't recognise on his normally cheerful self. He swallows hard, "Hey, Rey,"

"Finn," she breathes, reaching for him. She stops when he turns his face half away from her, his lips shaking with repressed anger, "Finn, what happened?"

“Phasma was killed,” Finn says in a dark voice. His hands shake in fists at his side, the moonlight cutting his face in two. He’s clearly struggling with what has happened, and Rey’s heart aches for him, “We managed to convince...around half of the Stormtroopers to come with us,” he sends a glare to Ben who studies the ground, “Some are choosing to go back to families...some are choosing to stay,”

Rey glances between the two of them. There is a story behind Ben’s avoidance and Finn’s fury but it's not the time to ask. She steps forward to hug Finn but he takes a step back, an apologetic smile on his face. His whole body tremors, eyes shining in the moonlight, "Please...please don't touch me for a bit," he takes a deep gasping breath like he's trying not to cry, "I uh...I'm not coming in the tent with you for the interrogation I...I just need some time alone. Please,"

Rey can't help but feel the dull sting of rejection anyway, even when it's not Finn's fault. He's allowed to ask to be alone. 

"Finn," Ben says in a low voice, quiet enough that Rey knows she isn't mean to hear, "It wasn't your fault,"

Finn doesn't say anything, but he turns on his heel and walks away. Ben rubs at his eyes tiredly, before he looks up to see her staring. He gives her a tired smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"I'll send Poe to check on him," she stutters, as he walks past her. 

"Poe knows," Ben says tiredly, lifting the flap for her to enter. She doesn't move past him, still staring at the prisoner sitting on the floor. His head lolls forward, blood flowing from his nose with a drip, drip, drip. Rose stands over him, arms crossed and mouth turned down. She nudges him with her boot and says, "You've got visitors, Hux,"

Then eyes raise, hateful and venomous to rest on hers. Where she's stood in shock. 

General Hux. Captured by the Resistance. 

Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments mean the world to me. Please don't be afraid to ask for something to be tagged if you need it! You can find me on twitter at [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Granddaughter…” the creature croaks and she only snarls in response.
> 
> “I’m not your Granddaughter,” Rey spits, fury racing through her veins, “I’m Nobody,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for this being so late. Writers block is a pain. I don't have much to say, other than the next chapter is officially the last. There is the opportunity for there to be a oneshot on how Kira came to be but this is only if you guys want it.
> 
> TW
> 
> Darth Sidious/Palpatine  
> Parenticide  
> Rey has another breakdown  
> Blood  
> Violence  
> Cannon typical Violence

Ben puts his hand to the small of her back, guiding her into the tent with him. He doesn't look even the slightest bit ruffled now, every bit General Organa's son. 

He looks like a War General, she realises, and the thought makes her shudder. She still dreams of the house somewhere green, where no ghosts from either of their pasts will haunt. Somewhere safe. But it's moments like this that make her think maybe her dream is unattainable, just childish thoughts whilst working on junkships on a barren planet. She hopes with all her heart she's wrong. 

"Hux," Ben inclines his head politely. 

"Ren,"

"My name is Rey," She starts and Hux rolls his eyes. She cringes to herself. This isn't supposed to be her role, she's not someone meant to be a politician. Ben nods at her though so she takes a breath and tries again, "I understand that you have information that could be helpful to us. If you are willing, there is a place for you here,"

Hux licks his top lip free of blood with a sneer, "Fuck you,"

He makes an awful sounding noise then spits phlegm at Rey's feet. She's honestly a little impressed by how far the spit gets, droplets landing on her feet. She only raises her eyebrows in response, unmoved. But it hits its mark with Ben; he unclips his saber, crackles and heat ripping through the small space in only seconds. 

"Don't fucking talk to her like that," Ben growls, lightsaber pointed at the hull of Hux's throat. The insane leer is sent back, eyes glowing red with the heat of the saber. It's only then Rey realises that they've only played into what Hux wants. 

"So it's true," Hux laughs, and the sound is vile, choking on his own blood, "The Jedi is a Sith Fucker," his eyes gleam as he grins manically at Ben who's losing his battle with his temper rapidly, "How long did it take you, Ren? How quickly did she offer you her pussy-,"

The sound of a slap reverberates through the room. Rose, tiny and furious glares down at Hux who only looks back at her with his jaw parted. 

"We're not killing you because Ben won't allow us," Rose snaps, hands on hips. She doesn't shake, doesn't tremor once and Rey has never been more in awe of her before, "Ben thinks your life has more value than your corpse, but if you speak about my friend that way again you will wish for death. Nod if you understand me,"

Hux just blinks for a moment. Then slowly he nods. He doesn't take his eyes off of Rose the entire time. 

Ben leans into her, turning her away so they walk out of the small shelter. He waits until they're far enough out of earshot before he whispers, "I think I'm a little in love with Rose after that,"

Rey nods, still a little shell shocked, "I would...I would not disagree with that at all,"

* * *

The next day during briefings is when everything explodes. The tentative peace brokered between Ben and his parents has been growing thinner by the day, Rey could feel the tension bubbling under her skin like a festering wound. It made her more irritable, more tense. But from the way Ben and Leia have been squaring off it won’t be for much longer.

“I think they should not have been given the choice to join the Resistance,” Ben snaps, arms folded. He sulks as Leia sighs, tiredly rubbing her eyes, “We have enough money to send them back to their families or to let them get started on their own on another planet,”

“We need all the soldiers we can take, Ben,” she starts gently, and just by the shift of Ben’s shoulders she can see it’s a mistake. Finn side eyes the General a little as well, frown cutting between his eyebrows. 

The large tent also hosts Poe, R2, C3-P0 and Luke, who has yet to speak. Poe had been quick in reciting the mission, how they had managed to cut down a number of higher ups in a mission to not only destroy the lightspeed tracking element (which both Han and Ben had pointed out could be bested with lightspeed skipping. Rey’s ears still ring in sympathy for the shrieking noises Leia had made when they told her their plan). Right now though, Han is staring at the table like he’d rather be anywhere than with his ex-wife, son and ex-brother in law. Rey sympathises with that, and by the looks of it so does Poe. He leans towards her a little as Ben and Leia continue to snipe at each other, whispering, “Leia and Ben used to get into it really bad before Ben left. Not surprised it hasn’t changed,”

“If I can interject as the ex-StormTrooper here,” Finn cuts in smoothly, the tension abating only slightly as Ben and Leia glare at each other, “I agree with the General. We do need to give them each other the choices,” he looks at Ben who only grits his teeth in response, “And we don’t take the choice away from the people. I get your line of thinking, Ben. But let them make the choice,”

Ben rolls his eyes and grits his teeth. There are a few moments of complete silence that Rey appreciates. Then Ben blurts out quietly, “I wasn’t given the choice,” 

He looks the most surprised that he said it. Rey looks at Finn, who stares back just as wide eyed. The air grows chilly incredibly quickly. Everyone pauses. Luke shuffles in his seat, aware of the eyes on him. He looks...so old. Just like when she last saw him, still scraggy and lost. Looking for salvation that won't be granted to him. It's a miracle he and Ben will be in the same room together, so it's even more insane for Luke to clear his throat to speak, voice gravely in the silence, “Everyone has a choice, Ben-,”

“But not when you’re the son of Leia Organa right?” Ben scoffs, fists clenching and unclenching, “I was shoved to Luke when I was ten I was terrified!" 

Leia doesn’t say anything. She just watches with a resigned expression like she’s experienced this before and is just waiting for it to be over. Leia looks her son in the eyes and takes a breath, “Not everyone has choices, Ben. I’m sorry you were frightened but I was scared too,”

Ben’s jaw clenches, anger toeing the line of darkness. Rey can feel the way it presses hard on him, what he’s had to do the same way she can feel the darkness that surrounds Finn. They both knew the men and women who died, and it weighs on them the same way she can feel how the death of Vader rests on Leia and the death of his students on Luke. It hangs in the air, thick like smoke as they all struggle to learn how to live with this trauma. She curses her own bloodline silently, refusing to be the reason that this continues. With that thought she starts to rise, ready to comfort Ben first and then Finn behind him when R2 breaks the abject silence, followed by a soft, "Oh my," from C-3PO. 

Rey pauses, blinking. Ben gawps, turning pale as he stares, wide eyed at R2, “Mom did WHAT with Luke?”

R2 repeats himself, Han putting his face into his hands as Ben clearly tries not to have a mental breakdown.

“What is wrong with this family?!” he eventually snaps, running his hands through his hair as he tries desperately to control himself. Rey feels the anger bubbling under the surface as thought it was her own, and shakes her head at Poe moving to confront his friend. The night doesn’t need to end with the two of them having a fist fight as well. She exchanges a glance with Finn as the table and equipment starts to shake uncontrollably.

Leia is the one who throws caution to the wind and moves to comfort Ben. Her hand stretches out, trying to be reassuring, “Ben-,”

She doesn’t get any further before her son turns on her, eyes burning with hatred.

“Fuck you,” Ben spits, before turning on his heel and storming out of the tent. 

Rey is left behind, open mouthed as she glances back to Finn. He just looks tired, but he shakes his head with a half smile. Rey knows what he means, turning instead to find Leia looks like she’s about to cry, hand pressed hard over her eyes.

“We’ll…” Poe coughs uncomfortably, “We’ll come back to the meeting later. Dismissed everyone,”

The tent empties fast, everyone rushing to get away from the tortured family. Han doesn’t leave, going instead to hold Leia tight so she’s pressed hard against him so no one sees her tears. Poe throws an arm around Finn’s shoulders to lead him away, squeezing his other hand. Finn’s dark energy still radiates around him but Poe is a bright spot in the darkness. She feels better knowing her friend has someone there to look after him. 

“Are you looking for Ben?” Rose appears at Rey’s elbow, a cub in her arms. Rose as always, manages to be Rey’s favourite person, “He went across to the meadow. And no, he didn’t swear at me. He knows I’d kick his ass,” she shoots a wink at Rey, “I’ll kick his ass for swearing at the General later,”

Rey can’t help but smile back at her, relief spreading through her bones like soothing water, “Thanks, Rose,”

“No problems, Rey,”

Her feet start walking but she feels the prickle on the back of her neck. When she turns, she finds Luke staring intensely at her, blue eyes filled with questions.

And that's when Rey realises - he knows.

He knows who she is. 

* * *

“You okay?”

Ben doesn’t look up from his knees, “Do I look like I’m okay?”

Rey bites back her own reply, picking a trail over to him, “Alright so we’re being a dick to everyone today,”

“I’m sorry. I’m just…” Ben rubs at his eyes hard. His energy is still teetering, but falling closer to the light with every sentence, “It’s hard to pretend like everything is fine again,”

Rey just stands next to him for a few seconds. She runs her fingers through his hair gently, soft strands trailing around her nails. He leans into her leg for comfort and they breathe in the silence. The meadow is always beautiful this time of day; flowers of gold and red blooming around them. It’s like nothing she has ever seen before, moving her to tears the day they arrived. Ben had used the petals for ink and taught her how to write her name in as many languages as he knew on the tiny scrap of paper they had found in the recesses of the Falcon. She hides it under their bed to occasionally look at and remember the moments like these. Everyone in the Resistance knows about the meadow but no one uses it as much as Ben and Rey do. After screaming fights, arguments, romantic dates or even just caf in the morning they can always be found here, in the meadow. 

“You know, my parents were the ones who reminded me about this place. They came here on their Honeymoon,” Ben told her once, both of them staring up at another moon. “We used to visit a lot when I was a kid. This meadow is one of my oldest memories,”

Rey had smiled back, letting the romance and peace last for only seconds before she said, “You know, you were probably conceived in this field,” That had ended with her being rolled into the soft flowers and being tickled until she cried.   


She hides her smile at the memory, sitting down next to him. She moves so they are as close as can be, legs along the length of his to steal some of his warmth. She mulls over her words for a few seconds more, knowing Ben doesn’t really want advice or punishment. He just wants to be heard, which gives her the answers she needs and none at all. 

“We don’t need to,” Rey picks at the grass around her, finding a blue flower with a long stem. She plucks it, “Life is hard and everything is rough right now. You just need to talk to me,” She finishes her sentence by winding the flower into Ben’s hair gently, “I love you. Unconditionally,”

She rests her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone gently. He closes his eyes, leaning into her hand and closing his eyes, “I love you too. Unconditionally,”

Rey moves, shuffling closer so she straddles him. She presses a soft kiss to his mouth, pulling back to find him gazing at her with adoration in his eyes, “We can get through anything together, Ben,” 

“I know,” he admits, before pulling her into a tight hug. There is still so much to talk about, but his anger has dissipated, leaving behind the pain and guilt that was the fuel. The work isn’t over yet, not by a long shot. But right now that doesn’t matter. It’s just Rey and Ben and the meadow.

So when she opens her eyes to find Anakin watching them, her stomach drops. 

It’s not time yet. She shakes her head, a miniscule movement. Not yet. He nods. She blinks and he’s gone again. 

Her dread doesn’t disappear as fast.

* * *

_ Rey throws her hand up, fighting against the power of the engines. She can’t let them leave, not with her family on board. Ben doesn’t relent, giving just as good as he gets. _

_ “Come back!” _

_ She throws her childhood memories out of her head, focusing on the ship. The call in her drives her forward, refusing to give up. Channel your power, she tells herself. She is strong, she is capable, she is a survivor _

_ Lightning shoots from her fingertips. The ship explodes. She screams and screams, calling for Chewie. She turns, expecting to see Ben’s horrified face as she’s seen so many times before. _

_ But it’s not Ben staring at her. It’s Plutt. _

The slap of papers on the desk makes her jump awake. She jerks, wide away and still a lifetime away.

Ben looks over at her. He frowns, dark eyes concerned, “You alright?”

Rey nods, heart racing in her chest. She feels sick and shivery, memories colliding in nightmarish sequences, “Yeah, just a bad dream,”

Poe nods sympathetically from his seat next to Ben and Finn at the table, “I know. Life’s bad enough dating this loser right?”

She almost feels the smack Poe receives for his comment, yelp and following laughter echoing around the hut.

“Focus,” Ben breathes in deep and Finn mimics him, “Feel the energy in the air,”

“What’s going on?” she yawns, and Poe comes to sit next to her.

“Finn is learning how to use the force,” 

Rey snorts, rubbing at her tired eyes, “You can’t just learn…” she trails off, mouth agape. Finn has the pebbles on the table floating...she has clearly missed something important.

“Yep,” Poe claps her knee, “Imagine my surprise when-,”

“Finish that sentence and die,” Finn snaps, opening his eyes to glare at the other man. The pebbles fall to the table in a clatter and Ben huffs in frustration, glaring at the two of them. Finn has the good nature to look apologetic, but Poe only grins in reply.

“You said he needed to learn how to do it with distractions,”

“I didn’t need details on the distractions, thanks,” Ben snarks, arms folded. He shoots Poe a dirty look before he turns back to Finn, “Clear your mind,”

They begin again, Finn closing his eyes. Ben counts down from five again, both of them breathing in sync as they find their rhythm. Rey waits for them to find their spirit before she turns back to Poe, “Did he do the-”

“Yeah he did the trick with the plant,”

She snorts, laughing to herself when Ben turns to grin at her. He looks tired, a little stressed but so happy. She grins even wider back, heart full of warmth as she watches her chosen family bond. All they’re missing is Rose and they’re complete. It makes her pause, questions on the tip of her tongue, “Where is Rose?”

Poe rolls his eyes, mouth slanting down, “With Hux. He’ll only speak to her,”

Rey frowns to herself, “Wait...Hux isn’t-”

Poe waggles his eyebrows playfully, “What do you think?”

The pebbles clatter down again, Ben losing his temper to shout, “Will you two shut up about Hux? For the Maker!”

Rey raises an eyebrow, “Jealous are we?”

Ben narrows his eyes, “Say that again and regret it, Sweetheart,”

Maker, she loves this verbal foreplay they have sometimes. Sometimes they get too cocky, and more than once have been caught in a more inopportune moment. They’ve made an apology at least once to every member of the Resistance...and there are a lot to be fair. 

“I’m still here,” Finn interjects, a little bored sounding.

It works. Ben flushes pink, pointing towards the door, “I’m supposed to be teaching. Leave,”

Rey is always a glutton for punishment, “What about regretting it?”

“Get out,” Ben goes redder, snapping, “Rey, you too,”

She can’t resist one quip over her shoulder as she goes, “For the record, I regret nothing,”

“OUT,”

Rey is still giggling when she leaves, waving Poe off as she starts to head towards her meadow. Six months. Six months of love and laughter and care. Six months with Ben. It’s more than she dreamed she could have. She smiles at her feet as she picks her way down the dirt path. There is still so much she wants to explore, places to go and a full life for the two of them to live-

Rey pauses, her heart in her throat. 

In the middle of the meadow is Anakin. His face is turned towards the moon, face sad as a butterfly floats before him. He reaches to touch it but it only floats away, leaving him alone. He closes his eyes, taking a breath, “You can relax. It’s not time yet,” his head rests, eyes still closed, “If I’m right...it may never be time,”

Rey feels boneless after that. After almost six months of not seeing Anakin...seeing him twice in the same day has unnerved her. She wriggles out her fingers, relieved that she doesn’t have to say it again. Anakin looks over at her. He catches her expression and grins widely, “Just realising now that Finn is force sensitive?”

“Shut up,” she grumbles good naturedly, crossing her arms over her chest. She rubs at her arms a little, coldness raising goosebumps on her flesh, “I’ve been a little busy doing other things,”

“One of them being my grandson,” Anakin rolls her eyes and pulls a face, laughing. He holds out his hand to her, eyes soft and welcoming, “Come here,”

Rey reaches for his hand and he pulls her hard so she falls into a hug. It should feel weird to hug something that isn’t there, but she can feel Anakin’s chest move under her cheek and the fabric under her hands so she hugs him just as tightly as he hugs her. It’s...nice. So she smiles and moves into it, feeling content. There is still so much that can go wrong. 

“I am,” Anakin takes a deep breath, before looking down at her and smiling, “I am so proud of you, Rey,”

She can’t stop herself from beaming, gazing up at Anakin, “It’s all thanks to you, Anakin,”

He grimaces good naturedly, “Don’t remind me, Little One,”

“It’ll be good to see Grand Palpy again,” she jokes in a cold humour, but Anakin doesn’t smile or laugh. He just looks at her with pity in his eyes. She pulls away from his hug, coldness seeping in her bones that has nothing to do with the chill in the night air, “Anakin...why are you looking at me like that?”

“You know the truth, Rey,” Anakin takes a breath as he holds her hand. His mouth presses into a thin line, eyes sad, “You’re not a Palpatine,”

Her blood turns cold. She’s still dreaming. She must be.

Anakin just looks at her when she yanks her hand away, “Rey-,”

“I didn’t,” she starts, stepping away from him. The ground feels uneven, shaking and dizzy under her feet which can’t stay planted, “I didn’t...they loved me. They protected me,”

“They sold you,” Anakin shakes his head, mouth still in that thin line.

“You’re lying,” her voice cracks. Her eyes sting with tears, “My parents...they were gonna come back for me,”

“They weren’t,”

“STOP LYING,” she screams and she can feel the agony in the way the Force sings around her. It swells in a melancholy swan song, soft and high like her mother's voice singing her lullabies. The scene flashes before her eyes and she can’t turn away, has to watch her childhood self be ignored, neglected, sold and then...she watches her destroy the ship. Rey doesn’t want to, but it plays over and over in front of her. All of her hopes and dreams for her parents shatter in front of her, the perfect picture melting against the heat of the truth. She wants to vomit into the grass she feels under her fingers but all she can do is sob and cry for the little girl she once was.

“Rey?”

Rey can’t even manage to pull herself together to face Ben, clawing at the dirt like she’ll be able to bring them back. 

She has to bring them back. They are the only thing that will stop her spiral, because she’s supposed to be good and good people don’t kill their parents, good Jedi’s don't-

She’s cradled like a baby in Ben’s arms, his big hands working softly through her hair as he whispers into the soft skin above her ear. She can hear his reassuring whispers of, “I love you,” gentle against her fragile spirit and it takes everything in her not to splinter into nothing at this moment. Her balance teeters on a knife edge, falling towards the dark and she knows that Ben feels it as strongly as she does. She knows he’s seen the exact same things she has.

“I killed my parents,” Rey sobs, angry hard tears, “I’m a monster,”

“You’re not a monster,” Ben soothes her, hands gentle as he holds her and rocks her gently, “Sweetheart, how could you ever be a monster?”

She cries until she’s empty, a gaping hole where her heart once was. She’s not sure how she can live with this knowledge. She’s a monster.

Ben just keeps rocking her, even when her tears stop and all she can do is lie there like a child in his arms. He whispers words of love and worship into her hair but she can’t believe them. She’s a monster through and through.

“Was Ben a monster?” Anakin asks her quietly. She refuses to look at him, “Is Leia a monster for killing those StormTroopers? Is Finn?”

Rey turns her face away from his words, burrowing herself into Ben’s chest like she can disappear from the world if only she tries hard enough. He strokes her hand over her hair like she's precious, soft and something to be adored when she feels like she is anything but.

“I killed my parents,” she whispered. The admission feels huge in the silence, a heavy weight that rests on her shoulders to never leave. Sadness radiates through her like a burn, seeping its way into everything and leaving only a cold blankness behind. It leaves her feeling dull, as though everything comes to her through a fog.

“Absolution doesn’t come from deference,” Ben says firmly, swallowing hard, “We might not be able to escape what we have done but we can fight to be better. Both of us. And Rey, you are the best person I know,”

Rey closes her eyes and they just sit for a long while in the moonlight. In the silence where everything is loud and so quiet. When Anakin breaks it it feels like it has been years instead of moments, washing over her like a cooling balm against her red hot hatred of herself.

“There is more than one kind of light, you know,” Anakin says so quietly. It’s a reminder of a conversation they had in another lifetime, “Ashoka...my friend...she was no Jedi. But she was a Force user,”

He looks up at the moonlight, “The Force doesn’t belong to the Jedi. It belongs to us all,”

Rey nods, feeling the tears roll down her face. She’s a monster and she’s no one. 

She’ll kill Palpatine. And maybe then the monster in her will be gone. Forever.

* * *

Life doesn’t go back to the way it was. Sometimes she’s so tired she can’t get out of bed, too exhausted to even bother eating. Ben brings her broth on those days, sometimes he just curls around her and they sleep the day away. He told Leia himself for her, eyes sad and soft when he came back. 

Rey searches for forgiveness in every moment, always mulling Anakin’s words over in her head. She will never think of Finn as a monster for what he has done; he had to survive. She’s done that herself. But she hasn’t survived this, instead she’s made it worse. She ponders on it as she watches Finn and Ben spar. Ben has beaten the traditional forms of lightsaber use into them until Rey can repeat them in her sleep. Even now in her lethargy she follows along with the moves in her head. 

Finn slashes and Ben barely dodges in time, the smell of singed hair filling the air. They both laugh and keep battling, an orange glow against the blue. Finn had borrowed Leia’s lightsaber with her blessing. It will still be a while until they can travel to find Rey and Finn their own kyber crystals. The weight of Anakin’s saber hangs heavy against her hip. Much like the legacy that rests on her shoulders. She digs her fingers in the hard stone beneath her, trying in vain to ground herself. She closes her eyes, breathing until she hears the sound of feet on the mud near her.

Luke shuffles towards her. He just watches her for a while, before asking, “Can I sit?”

Rey refuses to look at him, staring at Ben and Finn through eyes that can’t see, “It’s a free world,”

He grunts in reply before he sits next to her. It's a peaceful silence for once. Luke hasn’t tried to interject on any of the Jedi teaching Ben shows Finn and Rey. She can feel Ben’s burning apprehension like the heat of a fire but she doesn't react, still dragging her nails along the rock so a buzz tingles through her fingertips. Rey still isn’t sure how Ben really feels about Luke being here, much less how he feels about his lack of engagement. There is longing for sure, along with a deep seated fear and an irritation for how he reacts to the way Ben teaches.

Whilst it’s not a companionable silence between them, it’s still easy so she allows it. The world feels soft and hazy, more manageable than if she was trying to swim but drowning anyway. Today it just feels like she can tread the water and survive. Maybe one day she’ll thrive again. 

It’s Luke that breaks the silent truce, voice older but comforting, “The world isn’t black and white you know.”

Rey wants to tell him exactly where he can stick his words of advice but finds she can’t speak around the lump in her throat. Instead she just refuses to look at him, pursing her lips as she swallows hard.

“You seem to think that death is the end. It’s not,” he shuffles on his rock, also not looking at her, “With death we return to the Force because it’s part of the balance. There is no end. We all live on forever through it,” he moves again, grumpy now, “How on earth do you sit on these things for so long?”

Rey shivers, still refusing to answer him.

Luke sighs, grumbling as he gets back to his feet,“Life, death, everything returns to balance in the end Rey. Your parents are part of that balance and so are you,”

She curls further into herself, and tries not to think about how Luke’s words have actually helped her. 

_ Balance _ .

Her head shoots up and she yells, “Luke?!” after his retreating back. 

Because Balance may be the key to winning this entire thing.

* * *

“This is a one in a million shot,” Ben argues, turning from Poe to her. She nods. Finn looks tired, exhausted and frightened. Not for the first time since this journey began. The Falcon just keeps going though, Rey and Ben at the helm. The blur of space passes them and she can feel his energy vibrating out of him like an unstable mess. It makes her itchy, desperate to move or hide.

Rose is the only one who seems calm, flitting around the cabin like she belongs there. She’s said the same thing three times in an awed voice. Finn is the one who escorts her out after Ben’s shoulders reach his ears. Everyone is panicked and stressed; stealing the Falcon like teenagers on a joyride despite the fact they are trying to prevent a future that no one wants.

“I know, Ben,” is all Rey manages, heart hammering in a tattoo against her ribs. She’s so scared, fingers tapping against the dashboard like it will suddenly turn them around again.

“Stop it,” Poe grits out. She pauses and his face fights between guilty and pissed, “Sorry,”

“It’s fine,” She lies smoothly, standing and walking out. It’s not fine, but she didn’t expect everyone to be smiling and laughing on a journey that could lead to their deaths. Her heart squeezes painfully at the sight that greets her. It shouldn’t be anything special, just Rose and Finn playing chess. But it’s how she wants to remember them if everything goes wrong. They both smile at her and it makes tears prick behind her eyes as she comes to stand next to them, feeling guilt curl in her stomach painfully. 

"I'm so sorry, Finn, Rose," she vows, her hand tight on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry I dragged you into this,"

"We make our own choices, Rey," Finn answers, patting her hand. He smiles at her but it doesn't reach his eyes. He looks more determined, unforgiving of his own decision. It makes Rey feel more and more like she’s made the wrong one.

“We could all die,” Rey admits, twisting her fingers nervously, “I could be totally wrong,”

“Or you could be absolutely right,” Finn says quietly. She sees her own fear reflected back in his eyes, but she sees his bravery there too. God how she loves him. Her brother, and her best friend.

Her chosen family.

“We’re together,” Rose says firmly, “We’re gonna save what we love,”

Rey forces herself to breathe. She’s gonna save her family.

* * *

The cathedral is empty, echoing halls and thudding steps as they walk in.

“Stun is to be used,” Finn says quietly, igniting his own saber as Rose and Poe check their blasters, “We keep as many people alive as possible,”

Rey and Ben nod, the sound of footsteps and the crackling of Ben’s saber the only noise. They expect to be discovered, but the battle goes quickly. Everyone falls in the end, leaving Palpatine with no protection from them.

Rose moves to continue on, but Ben grabs her and shakes his head, “It’s gotta be us,”

She opens her mouth to argue, but Rey rushes her in a hug. Ben follows, and so does Finn. Because it could be the last time they all see each other but no one wants to admit it. Poe holds all of them as Rey whispers every thanks she can think of, desperate that they know just how much she loves them all. 

Death might be what waits ahead for them, but they will only leave love and kindness behind.

When they break apart, Rose’s eyes shine and she wipes at her nose. She turns away, but Poe stays. His mouth turns down as he stares at all of them

“We’ll be back,” Ben says. It hangs like an empty promise, and he swallows hard, “If we...take the ship back to my Dad and tell him...tell him I’m sorry,”

Rey closes her eyes and chokes on the lump in her throat. She can’t speak, too haunted by memories to say anything eloquent. She can’t look at her family again. It burns her eyes to keep them open but she forces them anyway, staring ahead unfocused. She killed one family. She won’t lose this one. 

“We’ll stay here until...” Poe promises. He looks from Rey to Ben, “Look after him. Please,”

He looks at Rey like he knows. And she nods. She won’t let anything happen to them. Not whilst there is breath still in her body.

Ben gets paler with every step they take. He flinches away from the pickled clones, frightened from seeing so many of his abusers. Finn leads them after that, continuing along. There are chants like a hymn, dark and ethereal coming from all around them. It makes Rey shudder, but Ben only stays wide eyed like a frightened child. 

“You can do this,” Rey promises him, taking his hand in hers. Ben blinks at her, lips trembling before he nods.

They walk for only minutes before Darth Sidious appears in front of them. He is every bit the poor creature Rey remembers; sad and hanging like a rag doll. His sunken face rises to greet them alongside the bile in her stomach. Her lip curdles, and she finally ignites her own saber. Now is the time, and she can do it. Never alone.

Not anymore.

The three of them stand in a line, red saber cracking in the middle of them. Rey has never felt more assured or safe. 

They can do this.

“Granddaughter…” the creature croaks and she only snarls in response.

“I’m not your Granddaughter,” Rey spits, fury racing through her veins, “I’m Nobody,”

She throws her saber, watching it sever through the wires and metal. It drops the Sith who screeches as he hangs. It grates against her ears, leaving them ringing.

He laughs, a sickening grating sound, “If you kill me, I shall only-,”

Moving in between her and Ben, Finn interrupts, cocky and proud in every way she wishes she could be, “Who said anything about killing you?”

They drop their sabers and raise their hands and just  _ pull _ . They pull his life force, his ability, his place in every part of the universe. They call to the Force and ask it to disperse, to come to them and to leave the cesspool of evil that this thing has become. They ask the Force to flow through them as it does in every part of the universe, but to abandon the person who twists it so.

And the Force answers.

The pain hurts. It’s agonising. It’s worse than the heat of Jakku when she had blisters that Plutt would deliberately burst to make her cry. Worse than the saber burns from the Guards in Snoke’s throne room. It boils through her, burning out the reasons she’s doing this and leaving only the hatred and bile behind. It torments her, shrill noises ringing in her ear until she realises that it’s her who's making the noises. She’s screaming, screaming and screaming until she runs out of breath and is instead forced to pant in shallow gasps to stop the knives from scraping down her throat. 

Ben keeps his eyes closed, hands outstretched and jaw clenched. Finn is like her, eyes open and wide in horror. He stretches his hand to her and she takes it in comfort. She takes Ben's in her other and they share the pain and the hatred. But then she feels it, the warmth of their love for each other. It’s not the power of the Jedi but the Force. It blesses them and their love, lets them find balance in each other.

“Rey,”

Rey sobs out loud. She refuses to turn her head to look.

“Rey, it’s time,”

It’s not time. It will never be time. Angry tears roll down her face intime to the pulse of hatred and she turns her head to see him.

"Rey," Anakin looks at her with sympathy in his eyes, "It's time to go,"

She glances across at Ben, his eyes closed as they both take on the power of Palpatine. Then she turns to Finn, his head lolled back in pain as he pants for some relief. The creature in front of them screams in the agony she feels in every single cell of her body. She wants to cry out, to say no! But Anakin just offers her his hand, mouth lifting with a smile that does not reach his eyes. 

Rey doesn't take it yet, "Will they be alright?"

The words are gritted past her snarled teeth, grinding in the pain of consuming all of this energy. It’s worse than losing Ben, this deepset agony that radiates through every part of her. It feels like her skin is bubbling, her blood lava and overheating. Each breath is like knives, painful quick inhales all she can manage. It’s going to kill her. It’s going to kill them. And it won’t be quick.

Anakin's eyes flick from her to Ben and Finn then back again. There is a tightness there reflected in his voice that she tries hard not to think about, "We're going to find out, Rey. But I honestly hope so,"

There is nothing more to say, so she takes a deep breath. She focuses on the pain they feel and draws it into her. It takes only a wave for them to fall back with an angry thud into the dlrt both left weakened and unable to move as she consumes it all. She takes all the power, every part of Palpatine’s loathing, his hatred, his fear. She screams as it burns her from the inside out.

Then she gives it back. She releases it into the Force through every pore of her skin, blackness seeping from her eyes, her hands, her mouth, letting the energy become one with the world again. To be used as death, life...finally balanced. As before, the world spins in a rapid mix of colours before it sinks into black. 

Rey lets go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know if there is something you would like tagged. The original draft for this chapter had Rose just straight up flying at Palpatine, so be grateful for the delay so this didn't turn into crackfic.
> 
> You can find me on Twitter at @PunkyA03, and comments and Kudos mean the world to me. Thank you so much to everyone who has followed along with me. See you all for the final update next week!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love will be what saves them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have had the ending written from the start of the fic. Has the fic gone the way I expected? God no. I nearly abandoned it a couple of times, but I've always wanted to come back if only to get it done. I'm really proud of this, and I hope some of you will read my other stuff. Either way, whether you've been here from the beginning or you've only found it when it's finished I have to say thank you for reading. It means a lot to me that people like my silly fic about two wizards in space that kiss a lot.

There is only silence in the dark and warmth. It's a heat that spreads from her core, warm and comforting. It moves to the tips of her fingers and toes as she takes a breath to realise she is being cradled in someone else's arms. Rey opens her eyes to see Ben leaning over her, palm spread over her stomach and brow furrowed in concentration. 

She puts her hand over his and his eyes snap open to stare at her with wide eyed wonder. Ben looks at her like she hung the moon in the sky even as her hands come up to caress his face. Rey speaks and her voice is rough, like she's been screaming but her words are filled with love as she whispers,  _ "Ben," _

He closes his eyes and leans into her hand as he continues, "You came back,"

Ben's eyes don't open as she replies, "I'll always come back for you, Sweetheart," 

The words are familiar on her tongue like she's said it to him so many times before. He lazily opens his eyes to look at her, and his gaze is fierce and loving, possessive and wanting. Without breaking their eye contact he takes her hand from his face and turns to press a kiss into her palm. But that will never be enough for her when she knows how those lips feel against her own so she surges forward and kisses him with all the hope she's had since she first began her journey to save him. Ben kisses her back just as fiercely and at the moment their lips touch peace comes flooding back into her. Because she’s getting to stay.

_ "Will I remember everything before?" _

_ "Yes. You'll never forget this life, even if you manage to change it," _

Rey breaks the kiss and Ben's eyes crinkle as he smiles and he laughs. She can hear Anakin's whoop of joy in the background and she laughs too, all three of their voices rising in joyous harmony as they celebrate. She panics, suddenly, head whipping around so fast it makes her dizzy, “Where’s Finn?!”

“He’s fine!” Ben promises, turning her face back to him, “You just,” he laughs, “You just knocked him out a bit harder than me, Sweetheart,”

Ben brings their foreheads together, hand warm on the nape of her neck before...before he suddenly slumps backwards, eyes rolling into the back of his head. He hits the floor with a dull thud and Rey's noise of horror is stuck in her throat. 

She's...she's  _ failed _ .

She bursts into tears and huddles into him, knowing in only a few seconds he'll be gone again and she'll only be left with his clothes to remember him by. Anakin is a flickering light on his other side, face gaunt as he looks at Rey with despair in his eyes, "Rey, I…" he trails off, watching as she huddles closer to Ben's fading warmth. Anakin holds Ben's other hand and she stretches her own out to rest over his heart. 

Over his beating heart. 

She nearly throws herself into Anakin as she sits up, sliding her hand into Ben’s soft jumper over his warm stomach and up to the heartbeat, getting stronger with every pulse under her fingertips. Rey looks to Anakin and sees her own happiness mirrored back.

“Ow,” Ben interrupts them, his voice breathy. He looks at her with a dreamy expression, eyes soft as he slowly comes back to himself, “Surprise,”

In her defence, Ben totally deserves the punch to the face he almost gets. But she kisses him fiercely, clambering into his lap like she’ll belong there forever. He kisses her back just as hard, 

“Urgh. I know your father wants Grandkids but conceived here? I just-,”

"For the sake of the Maker, just close your eyes, Grandfather!" Ben snaps, finally pulling away to send a glare to the overbearing Anakin who only smiles in return. 

“Excuse me for…” Anakin trails off the smile slipping as he just stares past them. His mouth stays unhinged, eyes wide as the sound of gentle wings fills the silence. It's a butterfly, just a single butterfly floating just behind them. It flits towards them, resting on Rey's forehead before it jumps to Ben's nose. He laughs as it tickles him. The sound is so bright and alive that the Force swelling around them has never seemed so right. 

"This is a good sign right?" Rey asks excitedly, glancing from Ben to Anakin. Her smile comes back and she beams, even as Anakin still stares blankly at them. The butterfly crawls into Ben's hair, wings slowly opening and closing. 

Anakin takes a breath, shuddering. His face turns serious, "Rey I…"

The atmosphere changes abruptly, the happiness dimming in Anakin's solemn mood. A cold hand clenches around her heart, and her fingers fist into Ben's jumper all the more. No no no no…

Anakin tries to smile a little but it's watery as he crouches, "It's time to go,"

Rey shakes her head frantically. She's survived, they're all supposed to live and be happy now-.

"It's time for me to go," Anakin continues. His voice is so soft, and his eyes are softer, "I...I want to be with Padmé, Little One. Forever,"

Rey's head is still shaking even as her eyes start filling. They're hot and angry, crashing down her cheeks to drip onto the freezing floor, "No! Anakin, you're supposed to-,"

"It's okay," he promises, before pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. The urge to sob fills her throat, but there is a thick glue like lining that stops her from making a sound even as the tears roll over her face. 

"Grandfather," Ben starts but Anakin just smiles and huffs a laugh through his nose. Ben looks just as stricken as she feels, eyes soft and shining, "...I-,"

"It's okay, Ben," Anakin smiles a little watery, swallowing hard himself, "I am...I am so proud of you, Ben,"

Anakin holds out his hand and the blue butterfly flutters his way into the palm. He laughs as it dances up to his wrist, shining in Anakin's glow, "It's good to see you too, Padmé," 

He looks back up at them both, and the tears run down his face but he looks so so happy that Rey tampers down her own feelings to say, "Thank you, Anakin,"

It's one last smile and then Anakin starts to fade away, a soft blue glow dimming until all they can see is a butterfly in orange and black. The Blue and Orange butterflies dance around each other before they fly away, then Rey feels the aching, hurting presence in her chest come back. 

He's gone. Anakin has truly gone. 

Rey can’t stop herself from crying then.

* * *

“Will you be okay on your own?” Poe asks from the door of the Falcon. He looks exhausted, eyes heavy. But he’s alive and that's all that matters.

Ben nods, not taking his eyes off of the Villa in front of them, “I think...I think we will be,” he glances at Rey, “You’ll be here in a week anyways. Right?”

“Right,” Rose agrees. She smiles, looking from Ben to Rey again, “Don’t kill each other before we get back,”

The smile doesn’t quite reach Rey’s eyes in return, “Never,”

Finn waves from the door. Then they leave, and it’s just Ben, Rey and a Villa full of memories they have no idea how to clear away. They walk in hand in hand and then split, both drawn to different areas by calling voices.

Rey can hear laughter in the halls, catches a glimpse of a woman wearing big hats and a man with a braid as they play in the halls. On the balcony she watches them kiss, the woman pulling away. There is a quiet, “ _ I hate sand _ ,” as she gets closer, staring over the Balcony. A lake ripples, wild flowers almost overtaking the marble of the fence. Pollen catches on her fingertips in bright yellow, overshadowing the marks of dirt under her fingernails. Ben just watches her. The sun sets on them, her standing at the edge as memories threaten to drown her and Ben at the door waiting to save her.

“I don't,” she finally manages, turning her back on the rising moon, “I don't think I can stay in here,”

Ben nods, holding out linens before shaking them free from dust. He looks at her, that roguish grin she loves so much, “I know a spot,”

* * *

The spot is in fact the lake that they found from the balcony. It stretches for miles around them, but there are no haunted memories to be had here. There is a blissful silence, nothing humming in the air. Rey relaxes into Ben as they sit and watch the moonlight play on the lake. 

It hits Rey all at once. The numbness she’s been floating on evaporates and it’s like a suckerpunch, leaving her gasping for breath, “We’re alive,”

She turns her head, and Ben is looking at her too, eyes wide and wild. She clambers into his lap ungracefully, wrapping her arms around him and presses kisses to every part she can see. Her heart hammers in her chest, a welcome reminder of the blood rushing through her veins. They’re alive and together. She laughs out of sheer joy, the sound bouncing into the air to the heavens. Ben presses frustrated kisses to her mouth, speaking between them, “I can’t believe we’re alive,”

“And we’ve got forever right?” Rey gasps against his mouth, 

Ben pulls away, still filthy and raw. The smile that breaks across his face so huge, so big that she’s only able to smile back. The delight and reverbance flows between them both, “You’ll have me until you don’t want me anymore,”

“Then you’ll have me forever,”

He kisses her again, sparking warmth in her belly that makes the fire in her core come to life. It’s so slow then, gentle undressing and soft kisses to every scar she finds. Rey whispers her apologises into every cut, her love into every bruise. She watches them heal under her fingertips until the skin is as smooth as it was before. Ben brushes his heavy hands over her hair, softly traces the scars on her legs as he removes her leggings, kisses the inside of her knee. With every press of his lips she hears his silent plea. 

“I won’t leave you,” she promises, “Never again,”

“Rey, Rey, Rey.” he mumbles against her breast, lips pressing soft kisses to the nipple as his fingers gently pluck the other.

He lifts her leg, hand dwarfing her thigh before he enters her. Everytime the stretch takes her breath away, leaving her gasping for air and grasping for him. His thumb rests gently at the apex of her spread thighs, rubbing soft circles that make her shiver with every turn. They can be so rough with each other, tumbling to the ground in crashing thrusts and blows, determined to make the other cry out in pleasure when the other watches. But times like this are always treasured too, moments where they just exist within each other and revel in what the Force has created from them.

“I love you,” Ben promises, nipping her shoulder. She repeats it back, lifting her hips to match his as pleasure slowly rises to greet her in a gentle stretch. She comes with a sigh of his name, stars bursting behind her eyelids as pleasure seeps to the tips of her fingers. His thumb is relentless on her clit, soft slow rolls of his hips that carry her through into another orgasm. Her toes curl in the sand, her back arches and she comes one last time with a shuddering cry. He thrusts again, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder as he whispers his love to her, tumbling over the edge so gently.

It just feels right. Rey feels like she could lie on this beach on stolen bedsheets for years, watching the ripples of the lake forever. But it can’t happen; life has to come to a return, even if they can stay here forever they can’t do it naked. She closes her eyes against the beauty but the scene plays out behind her eyes anyways. Her skin is starting to soften; palms calloused from years of rough work still bearing the scars but they don’t catch on skin the way they did once. She’s still thinking about them growing older and wrinkled, how Ben will look when his hair starts to sprinkle with grey when he coughs.

“How would…” Ben trails off, swallowing hard. His chest rises and falls under her, deep breaths like he’s trying to stay calm, “How would you feel about marrying me?”

Rey sits up. The moonlight shines down on his freckled chest, his own face guarded as he waits for her answer.

She opens her mouth and says;

“I want to,”

* * *

“My birth mother wore this veil,” Leia says, fixing it around the crown of Rey’s head. Rey blinks at herself in the mirror, eyelashes thick and black with red colour on her cheeks. She can still see hints of the girl she left on Jakku, something in her face that speaks to desperation and loneliness. The veil is white and lacy, covering her hair and draping down the sides of her face and neck to hide all of her skin from the sunlight. At her request they had updated the gown to include an orange butterfly on the long hem. Learning how to walk in it had taken her all week. 

And what a week it has been; Leia had cried when she saw them both alive which made both Ben and Rey cry too. The majority of the Resistance had arrived too, more StormTroopers rescued in tow with them. Restoring the Galaxy would take time, but Ben and Rey wouldn’t be part of it. Luke had decided to stay with his sister and help her rebuild the foundations of trust by using his name, and to rebuild a Jedi School. Rey knows that should she and Ben have children they won’t be sent to it, instead raised with love and joy on a planet full of life. No matter Luke’s promises, there are certain wounds that will never heal. She refuses to put Ben back through that pain, especially the fear of losing one of their children in the same way he was almost lost. 

Love will be what saves them.

_ I love you _ is what rings around her head as she stands, linking her arm through Leia’s. The mother of the bride is supposed to be the one to help Rey dress, but Rey truly has no parents so Leia had offered. And had given her Padme’s gown to wear. It is so beautiful; it only serves to make Rey feel like a child playing dress up. Things of such luxury had no place on a barren desert like Jakku. Then again, neither did love. And she has seen so much of it in her short time here; the familial love she shares with Rose and Leia, the romantic she shares with Ben and the true kindred person she finds with Finn. To be blessed with something like this is all she never could have had; going from no family to having a chosen family who refuse to abandon her...she can’t believe it. It feels like she’s been put into a life in which she doesn’t belong, and even as they round the corner to the balcony fear grips her chest because-

Ben turns to see her...and she’s never felt more sure of anything in her life. He looks at her like she’s the ocean, like a man who has never been able to see the green of the galaxy. His mouth parts, lifting at the corners as his eyes widen in awe. No one has ever looked at her in such adoration before and she feels nervous in the aftermath. She’s nothing special, no one. She really is no one, and this man is worth so much more than she is. The legacy of three famous families, but she knows he would kneel before her in a moment just to hold her hand. 

So she may be no one, but she is still important.

Rey can’t count the number of people watching them, smiling at her and happy for them. Everyone survived, everyone lived and she has a family for once. They don’t need to marry in secret: their union is witnessed by everyone they love instead of forbidden and secret. Anakin’s spirit lingers with her and it makes her hands tremble, tears pricking behind her eyes as she hands off the bouquet to Leia, nervous to crush them with her clumsy fingers. Ben, dressed all in black except for the butterflies sewn into his collar, holds out his hand to her in offer...This time, she takes it.

They just stare at each other for a few moments. He’s...he’s so beautiful, Ben. His hair is soft around his shoulders, a black tunic belted around the middle. It’s so similar to what Anakin wore, deliberate in remembrance of the people who married here before them with only a priest as the witness. They’re not going to repeat the same story but together they will close it. 

C-3PO stands before them, the white ribbon held in his hand. Rey pulls her own red from within the pockets of her dress and Ben does the same, both of them just smiling a little at each other. Because it’s happening. They lived. And they get to live happily together. The sunset bounces off C-3PO’s metal and casts lights over Ben’s face and the Villa. 

“Repeat these words after me,” C-3PO chirps, R2 beeping in support, “With this ribbon, I promise my life to you only,”

“With this ribbon I promise my life to you only,” Ben repeats, eyes soft as he holds out his hand.

“With this ribbon I promise my life to you only,” Rey whispers, and C-3PO braids the ribbons quickly, before winding them around Rey and Ben’s joined hands. 

“With this ribbon I bind you,”

The words are filled with finality, and everything suddenly feels different. In the corner of her eye a woman with dark brown hair and Ben’s eyes smiles, but when Rey turns her head there is no one there. Just two butterflies, one orange and one blue. 

“Rey?” Ben questions, and she turns back. He’s still so soft, his smile curling the corner of his mouth. There is no fear, only happiness. No matter what, they will always be together.

“My longest adventure will be with you,” Rey vows, holding his hand in hers. 

“Forever?” Ben asks, smiling at her.

Rey smiles back, “Forever,”

They kiss. And live happily ever after.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and Kudos mean the world to me. For updates on my other fics you can find me on twitter [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3). If you need something tagged as a trigger please let me know and I will happily tag. 
> 
> Thanks again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Twitter  
> @PunkForTheMomen if you're interested in updates. Kudos means the world to me, and comments make me cry. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.


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